my son is in denial about boot camp coming soon

[kkcs46]

Hi Everyone:

My son is leaving for boot camp September 22. He hasn't been exercising lately. I think he is denial that boot camp is coming soon. Do you think I should try to motivate him or let him work it out himself?

Thanks everyone.

kkcs46

[orpy]

This is a tough one. My daughter acted a bit in denial however she had a wonderful recruiter who had his recruits exercise every week. Her denial showed in how she continued to buy items almost up until the day she had to leave. Perhaps as the time gets closer he'll start getting ready. Kids are classic procrastinators. If it were my daughter, I'd let her work it out herself. She never did take kindly to my interference. Good luck!

[annieNC-NAS PAX RIVER]

mine went running everyday....seemed to be lost in thought some of the time..  I don't think it hit him until his recruiter was downstairs in our house waiting for him.  At that point, he was in DEEP thoight...and I couldn't get him to pick up the speed, so to speak.  He finally left, and so did my heart, my stomach, my mind. MY SON.  

You COULD try to motivate, but if it doesn't work, don't push it.  Talk to his recruiter, see if there might be others in the area who are also going in, in September...See if he can maybe suggest, not demand, that a few of them run together in a local park.?  Nothing mandatory.--That will come soon enough.

If that doesn't work.....let him work it out himself...you don't want the next few weeks filled with struggle.

NavyMomHugs to you!!!   (Wilmington, NC)

[motherofasailor]

He should be getting his motivation from within and from his recruiter. Even if he is very young, this is something he has to do himself.

[Anandajoy]

my son did the same, in fact he didn't run but twice in the month before...he played video games non-stop and caught up reading his old books...he pretty much stayed in bed.  I was horrified and thought he was ruining his chances of making it through bootcamp.  I kind of forced the 30 day Ab challenge on him and was surprised he did that with me.  Thankfully.  My son's recruiters (he had three total) were great initially but by the time he had the third one, I don't even thinks she knew his name.  Nor did she care to.  :(

I think my son knew what he was getting into and was in denial and at the same time wanted to simply be lazy for as long as he could still get away with it.  Like the moment he left, he was an adult...so enjoy it while it lasts and lay around being a kid.  HE didn't even make his bed or do his laundry before he left...like as if he were coming back after an extended weekend away.

Give this as an incentive...my son failed his initial running test, his pay stays at E-1 while those who passed it are on an E-2 pay scale during bootcamp.  That made him wish he had run a bit.  He was able to do 90 situps before he left for bootcamp though!!  just 30 days of 30 - 45 minutes of exercise will make him ready....

[SuziQ62 Ship 14 Div 260]

My step son did the same thing. My husband and I encouraged him over and over that he'd better get with it or the p.t. was going to kick his butt. He would respond that he could already pass the P.T. test requirements and didn't want to injure himself before leaving which could delay everything.  I don't think the recruiters encouraged them either.  He is on week 3 in boot camp and we haven't heard how he's doing with P.T., but I am anxious to hear how it's going for him.  :) 

[SumnerRain]

My son joined last September, and didn't ship until July 16th.  I don't think it got "real" for him until the last few weeks.  Except for PT once a month (once a week in the last month) he didn't exercise.  He did take weight lifting his senior year.  What worked in his advantage was he doesn't have a car or license, so he would longboard everywhere.  And I mean EVERY WHERE.  He once ended up in a town about 15 miles away, and then had to board back. 

We knew his version of clean is different than ours, and we knew he would not be taking many belongings, so we set deadlines of when he needed to disassemble his bed, pack the clothing he was going to keep, who was getting his furniture (he has 4 younger siblings).  The weeks before he left he started selling some of his belongings for cash to do things like go to the movies with friends.  Then he went through all his clothes and started washing and packing what he was going to keep.  The rest he gave to siblings, friends, and Goodwill.  They day before he gave his bed to his sister, she gave hers to the preschooler, and we gave his toddler bed to the neighbor, so it was a flurry of activity.

For the most part, we knew only reality would motivate him, and unless you think he's close to being disqualified to weight, maybe it's okay for him to be carefree for just a little longer.

[YosemiteSailor]

I would let him work it out himself. Dad and I both served, so we knew his lack of activity would make early days tougher, but not impossible. Plus, my husband was the RinC (Recruiter-in-Charge) of the station before retirement and our son would roll his eyes anytime Dad would give advice. ;-)

[SusanB]

My son didn't do anything to get ready.. No exercise, not preparing, buying things.. Even left dirty laundry when he left. Unfortunately, I am sure he is paying for it now. He has to learn on his own.. Nothing you can say or do will motivate him.. It has to come from within.

[BunkerQB]

Well, he'll either bust his butt to get with the program once he arrives at boot camp or he'll be summarily separated. The Navy is not going to cuddle anyone who doesn't want to be there. No one is going to bend over backwards to convince him to give it his all. 

Lemonelephant has a discussion listing things to do 30 days prior to boot camp. I would suggest you print in out, post it on a wall, along with a calendar with the date for departure circled in red. I would post this somewhere visible, so he'll have to look at it 5 to 6 times a day.  Don't say anything (like asking daily if he had done anything). If he is serious about this, he'll start to pick it up.

Often, young men and women join the military right out of high school. Some 18 year old are more than ready for separation from home, family and friends.  Others are simply not ready emotionally to be in a strange environment with a bunch of strangers and people yelling at them all day long. Sometimes, you can't tell who will be ready until he/she gets there.  You would think the recruitment process would factor in the emotional state of the recruits before sending them off - but that is not the case. Some of these recruits who have been separated would have made wonderful sailors if the timing had been different.

I wish you and your son the best of luck.

[kkcs46]

Thanks Everyone for your help. It is nice to know there are mothers who have answers and similar situations.

Karin

[sportykr]

This is not unusual behavior. My son continued to work out and swim but he played the heck out of his video games until the last day. Mostly slept before he left and as he soon found out when he got to BC, sleep was a luxury, that and going to bathroom in private!

[BCR0095]

Goofytroll, Hi it's BCR0095,  I was finding myself becoming very mad and aggravated with my son about not wanting to workout, and other things, BUT It came down to more of a" ME" issue versus a HIM issue. I do not want him go through being picked on when in all reality it was about "my issues" not his, he is incredibly secure, strong and excited about where he is going, Granted ask him in a few months he will probably say "Mama I miss your nagging versus what I 'm getting :) here!" But They have to discover the world! I'm just sharing what my reflection on why I was so aggravated with him, on top of it all, he was moving on, He is no longer at my arms length to Hug, kiss and tussle with.... which it's OK it's time for him to spread his wings and leave the NEST!! Hang Tough Mom! Bug Hugs