Depper Changing mind

[Diverdee90]

Good morning ladies,

My son started his Navy process back in June of 2014, he had to clear through MEPS with waivers for past surgeries, he was so excited to get his career started.  He swore in at MEPS beginning of October 2014 with a ship date of June 2015, he graduates high school in May of 2015.  He came home the other day and said he no longer wants to be in Navy, his heart is not in it.  He met his girlfriend a few weeks before swearing in and has said his relationship with her has no bearing on his change of heart, I believe it does some.  His grandfathers have had health issues recently and he said he does not believe if something happened to them that he would be allowed to come home of which i told him the Navy will get him home in case of a family emergency.  I think he is just scared and has that puppy love of high school and doesnt want to leave because of his girlfriend.  I am having a real hard time with this because it is such an amazing opportunity for him and a lifetime of benefits.  I do not want him to regret this decision later on.  Any help/ideas would be greatly appreciated.

[CryptoDad]

Does he have a "Plan B"?  Does it include a decent paying job or college without crushing debt? He's got plenty of time to back out. Try to keep the Navy option open until he can map out a better course of action.

Unfortunately, Navy emergency leave is limited to 'immediate' family, not grandparents. He's correct on that point.

[Diverdee90]

His plan "b" is to go to college he wants to major in sports journalism or broadcasting, of which I have explained to him that he will not walk away from college with less than at least 60K in debt because we cannot afford to pay for his college, we struggle to help his sister the little we are, she is paying for hers with student loans with minimal financial aid due to we make too much but i'm so glad the government thinks I have all this money laying around. 

[CryptoDad]

Median salary for sports reporters is $34,754. Plus crushing student loan debt.

Salary (basic pay plus non-taxable allowances) for a Navy Petty Officer 3rd class (pay grade E-4) with 4 years of service - $45,179.58. Plus a free college education thru the GI Bill.

Did his ASVAB scores come anywhere near qualifying for Mass Communication Specialist (MC)?  He may be looking at a course of study that's not even a realistic fit. If the Navy won't give him a shot at journalism,  what makes him think the civilian world will be any easier? If his ASVAB scores do allow for MC, then its time to talk to the recruiter again.

[Diverdee90]

I would say his ASVAB scores would qualify him for a MC, his contract is for AIRRC/ATF he wanted to be on Air Crew and that is the contract he qualified for and received.  So I would think the Navy is an option for journalism but he did not try to get a journalism contract.  I did tell him they have journalism in Navy and he said he wants to do sports journalism not Navy journalism, I'm at a loss here.  I will talk to him more when I get home from work I am not giving up my fight on him sticking with his commitment.  His Air Crew contract is 6 years active and 2 years reserve as an FYI

[Texasfam]

If it is anything like when my son joined they told him to put together a list of "favored jobs".  When he went to meps, he walked into the room, they said you will be an MM and you will leave January 6.  No options, no discussion.  He had over 50 jobs available due to ASVAB score, it just didn't matter.  He's at BC now and graduates 2/27/15.  It's hard to advise kids sometimes.  Most don't truly understand bills and responsibility.  They think they can just go get a job.  Like there are good ones everywhere.  Fortunately, my son had almost 6 months from when he graduated high school until he shipped.  He found it was not so easy to get a job, and that money runs out really quickly without one.  The Navy is a great starting point until they can figure out what they are going to do with their life.  But again, it's hard to get them to understand that.

[diannep]

Texasfam:  Has he met with a Classifier yet at Bootcamp?  Sounds to me like the other jobs he was qualified for due to his ASVAB scores were overmanned at that time.  However, things change....and maybe something else is now available?  If so, when he meets with a Classifier, he would have the option to explore that.  The reverse happens too....sometimes a SR enters Bootcamp with plans to do school for one job, only to find it is now overmanned and he/she must select something else during Bootcamp or go Undesignated.

[Texasfam]

No, he hasn't.  They are just about to start week 4 and I don't think you meet with the classifier until week 5.  I found it strange that out of 50+ ratings that he qualified for, only the one was available.  I really felt they just manipulated him a bit and that if he was prepared to walk, he might have gotten something else.  I can't believe they would have been overmanned in HT's which is what he wanted, since he wants to be a welder.  He settled for the MM.  I've told him that he has a chance to change it so we'll see what happens.

[Concernedad]

Obviously, talking about the money you can make in the future to an 18 year old is a waste of time. You can talk to him, but you do need to let him know he is right about coming home for his grandparents, and you should explain to him about the expenses for college and if you cannot afford it, let him know. He can back out, up until his final swearing in, but if he does and changes his mind back to wanting to go again, odds are the Navy won't be interested. They are not at a shortage for sailors right now. 
He needs to know his major reason for wanting out, and if he truly is not into it, going anyway is definitely not the answer. 
My suggestion would be to have him check into the costs of community college. Community College is not nearly as enticing as going to a University. Let him know the costs of college will be his. Remind him of his sister's future debts, and have him check out his field of choice to see how difficult it is to get a job there. Typically journalism and broadcasting requires starting out as an unpaid intern. 

If he is unmotivated to go into the Navy, RTC is not going to change that viewpoint for sure. 
I would suggest he take some time to consider and research his options. However, I also know how hardheaded teenage boys can be. I had the exact opposite position with my son blowing off a college scholarship for the Navy. As you can see, I lost my battle. In the end, it is their life. 

[Navy Mama]

Hi there- I had an early DEPPER myself... My son was in the DEP program for about 11 months before he left for boot camp- so his whole senior year and all I can say is it was a roller coaster from start to finish! Ranges from " I am going and I cant wait" to "What have I done? No way I am doing that!"  and everything in between. I just tried to be supportive and help him think things through and be there as the sounding board. They are the size of adults but they are mostly not equipped to deal with all the emotions they are having and it has to be hard for them too! This will pass and you will both get through it. Be strong with him and he will make the right choice- Good Luck!

[Diverdee90]

Navy Mama it is good to see that I'm not alone.... I haven't been sleeping well since he told us, lost some appetite and the whole thing runs through my mind non stop... I am trying hard and hope he sees the big picture and what an amazing opportunity this is for him... Right now he's in a negative state where he is only seeing the bad and not the good... Thank you very much for the words of wisdom and I pray he makes a good choice....

[Winston]

Where is his girlfriend going when she finishes up with her senior year? Most 'couples' part company once they leave school, its unlikely it will be the same place - so this may be a talking point too. He needs to do what's right for himself, not someone else. What are the grandfathers you talk of saying about it - maybe they could sway him if he feels he has their blessing? Sometimes a talk with someone much older and wiser does the trick? I feel for you, as adults, we could all talk till we were blue in the face, but these kids always know better and unfortunately they are adults themselves, ultimately they need to make their own decisions.

[Gator fan]

Maybe you'll be lucky and he and his girlfriend will break up before he needs to make the final decision.  Then he may want to get out of town.  She may be influencing his decision right now.   I would encourage him not to make a decision until the last moment.  My son is in BC right now and it is tough.  You have to want to be there to be successful.  If his heart isn't in it, then it's going to be tougher for him.  At 19, my son blew a college scholarship for a girl he met and spent the next four years trying to find a job that he enjoyed.  He never found it.  He worked as a cashier for three years and as a warehouse worker for 6 months. He thought this was going to be the greatest since he was making $12.00/hour, but he hated working in a warehouse.  And he couldn't see himself doing this for the rest of his life.  That's when he decided he was going nowhere and needed college.  The only way to get it was the service.  So at 23 he joined the Navy.  When he left for boot camp, he looked at me and said Mom, I'll be fine.  There is nothing here for me.  I have to leave to find what I want to do with my life.  It's the same thing I told him when I was encouraging him to join the service.  I didn't care which branch.  But he had to reach that point himself.  Otherwise it was just mom nagging.  So it may take your son awhile to figure out what he wants to do.  There is no way my son would have been ready to join the service at 18.  Maybe yours isn't either.  Give him some time to figure it out.  We can nag, but in the end, it's their decision.  Good luck!