A little concerned about my son being depressed

[Josh'sMom-Div267]

Well, I received another letter from Josh yesterday and he seemed to be in decent spirits and mentioned that the food is "actually pretty good", which made me feel better. However, he also made a couple of comments about being depressed over concerns that his girlfriend will not want to wait for him and lately has been regretting his decision to join. In all of my letters, I try to send encouraging thoughts and remind him to stay strong and focused but I worry that if he really starts to regret his choice that he will simply start giving up. And, we all know that this would ultimately just cause more problems for him. I wrote him back today and explained to him that once he gets out of Boot Camp, things will start to somewhat get back to "normal". He will have more freedom; IE: his cell phone, computer, and be able to have visitors when he is off-duty. I just really hope that helps him to feel better. We are down to 3 weeks remaining before his PIR... I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

He said that his A school should be in Great Lakes, IL and last between 27-33 weeks. He will also have to go to C school afterward, if he is indeed hired in as a Fire Controlman. He was groaning a bit about the length of time that he will be in school but, to be honest, I was thrilled!! The way that I figure, the longer he is in school, the longer he will at least be stationed in the United States; which makes mom very happy!!  :-)   Not to mention, since we only live about 4-5 hours away from Great Lakes, it won't be too difficult to go see him. 

I have definitely grown a lot from this whole experience so far, as I am sure he has too. I have gone from uncontrollable sobbing (literally... the can't catch your breath, hyperventilating sobbing) a week before he left to only crying now because of the extreme pride that I have for him. Although Josh lived with his dad from age 10 - prior to joining, he has always been a momma's boy and he definitely has a special place in my heart. 

I have been sending Josh what I consider "funnies" in his letters... I just hope that he finds the same amount of humor in them that I do! LOL!! For instance, today's letter contained the following image (cracks me up):

 

        

[amandamomof4]

that picture is so funny :)

my son is not in boot camp yet but I am worried about the same thing. He an his gf have been together for quite awhile and I know they talk seriously but the reality is he is 18 she is turning 18 next month and still has High school to finish. I do not know how their relationship will fare durring bootcamp since they are joined at the hip currently. Long distance relationships are hard but at least your son and gf will have proximity on their side. We are in AZ and he(my son) will be in CT. My husband and I had a long distance relationship for over a year before we got married but we were in our 20's(i was 20)

I hope your son starts feeling stronger. is GF writing to him? I think my daughter wrote to her husband everyday when he was in Army basic

[sailorwifenmom]

I'm sorry, that can be hard.  Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for Sailors to have their girlfriend or boyfriend break up with them while they're at boot camp or deployed or etc.  He's probably got buddies in his unit that have had this happen to them, or he's getting signals from her that this is where they're heading, or both.

Just try to keep encouraging him and being upbeat and positive as much as you can, and when he brings it up, maybe just mention to him that yes, it is hard and it is painful when that happens, BUT, if she can't commit to him to wait for him while he's in boot camp / at school, then, even if he didn't join the Navy, she wouldn't be able to commit to him for the long haul... Because he would have gone off to college, or he would, at some point, have to take a business trip, or something similar. 

I know it can be painful, but just remind him that, until she does end it with him (or he ends it with her), or he gets out of boot camp, there really isn't much he can do about it, so just try to stay positive and focus on getting through these last few weeks, when his life will become much more "normal' again.  And, IF it does happen, that there is a huge world full of experiences out there waiting for him, and he never knows who he's going to meet...

(btw, both my husband and I had been in serious relationships that didn't work out.  In fact, the day my husband got his "Dear John" from his fiance was the day we met.  We didn't become friends until later, and we didn't start dating until after that, but that was the day we met - I didn't know he had gotten that letter and thought he was just a jerk lol.  We have been married 20 yrs now.... And, our son who is also in the Navy had his heart broken by a girl he was dating before he left for boot camp - he found out she was cheating on him right before he left.  But you know, he's out there, seeing and doing so many cool things, and he's loving life, and your son will be, too - just keep reminding him of that...) 

[sailorwifenmom]

Something else for him to keep in mind, it's a bit harder to do in  boot camp, but not impossible, and it will be easier once he's out of boot camp, but if he needs to talk or is feeling depressed, no matter what his faith background is - he doesn't even have to believe in God at all - but the Chaplains are an EXCELLENT resource for someone to talk to.  They are trained in counseling, and are there for all military members and their dependents.  Plus, they are entirely confidential (even more so than the other counseling available). 

If he does end up being depressed or struggling, I would encourage him to talk to them, or to call Military One Source - they also have free counseling services they can put him in contact with. 

Good luck, and hang in there!

[Josh'sMom-Div267]

First of all, thank you both SOOO much for commenting.

In regards to his relationship with her, they have been dating for about a year and have been joined at the hip as well for much of it. I know that he misses her and, in all honesty, she is as sweet as a peach (I do not see them splitting up, which I have also tried to explain to him). *She has come to my house since he left and I have talked to her via text on many occasions. I know that she has been writing him letters and she has thrown herself into work since he left. These kids are 18 years old and she is working 2 full time jobs right now. Josh is a VERY emotional person (always has been) and I worry so much about him. *He definitely wears his heart on his sleeve.

I, too, am very realistic and while I want to make it clear to him that if she were to leave then it simply just wasn't "meant to be", I am hesitant because it would simply send him spinning further down the spiral. I am ever so thankful for the fact that his best friend in boot camp is Dakota; I talk to his mom on a weekly basis and they are pretty religious. Dakota has even been reading Josh scripts from the bible and has been truly priceless concerning my son. I have thanked her several times for allowing my son to borrow her son for this 8-9 week period of time. The added perk is that they are from Bloomington, Indiana; which is only about 45 minutes away from us. I hadn't thought specifically of asking him to talk to the Chaplain but I will do so in my next letter. 

Again, thank you both so much. I truly appreciate any insight into this as I am very new to the whole military experience in general. No one in my family (aside from distant relatives) was ever involved in any branch of the military so this is all new to me.

Amanda - I wish you the best with your incoming Sailor and hope that things go smoothly between him and his girlfriend!! God love them!!

Sailorwifenmom - You have my complete respect... going through this with my son has been difficult enough, I cannot imagine going through it with my spouse and child as well.     

[Josh'sMom-Div267]

Also, I want to add that I sent a letter today "from" our pets... lol. This was something that I read from another soldier mom's post who thought that it would be fun to receive for the recruits. In the letter, I made comments about one of our dogs who is infatuated with "cheese" (IE: my son taught our little weiner dog to sneeze everytime she wants cheese) and another that has decided that getting into the trash has become acceptable since it smells like chicken and pizza!! I truly hope that he enjoys these letters. I would encourage any mom to write a letter from the pets' just to illustrate to them that us "humans" are not the only ones missing these guys!!  

[amandamomof4]

I am glad to hear that you don't think his fears will be realized, it is so hard to try to sooth long distance.. I have a daughter in alaska (army husband) and I freak out every time she posts something dramatic on facebook. usually it is nothing but you never know ;/

Also even though he is tender hearted I think he will do fine. My brother is in the marines and when he went in I was soooo worried about him. He was done with college so a little older than our boys but he would sometimes still cry when stressed and he stutters. But he made it through and later went to OCS and will soon be a Major (currently Major Select).

I think it is great he has a buddy at BC too. Some of those relationships will be life long. My husband has been out of the navy for 24 years but we still keep in touch with a few of his friends from his ship.

Thanks for the good wishes for my son.. I am so excited for him he has been waiting for this since he was about 6 :)

Good luck to your boy too I am sure he will feel more confident once he can connect to the outside world again.

[sailorwifenmom]

Thank you so much!  It is hard sometimes, but it's what they both love, and I do understand that (I was in the Navy when I met my husband). 

I would have replied sooner, but we've been traveling, driving our daughter to college and getting her all settled in :-) 

I think the letter from the pets is a fun thing to do, and I really hope your son is feeling better.  It does get more "normal" after boot camp :-)