Depression.

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Dear N4M,

(Warning: This post is very personal, I am writing it because I feel that people need to know they arent alone. Please do not judge, or say negative comments towards it.)

This post is not nessicarly about the Navy, but about life in general.  Has anyone here dealt with someone who is depressed? Or maybe you personally have battled your own bouts of depression.  Well lately, it seems my life has been filled with this word. This scary, sad, helpless word that seems to overtake so many people.  To share a bit of personal information, 4 people in my life, myself being one of them, have been battling with depression.  One of these people is my mother in law.  Unlike my short lived state of depression while my husband was on deployment last year, my mother in law has been hurting for a very long time. She is an ex police officer and is now medically retired. In 2003, her husband left her for her best friend, a short time later, she filed for bankrputcy, in 2009 she was stabbed during one of her graveyard shifts at a prison.  It was at this time when she developed PTSD on top of her depression.  She was unable to work for a year after the stabbing due to the physical and emotional trauma of the indecent. A year later, she lost her home.  Along with all these life altering events, a series of smaller events toppled inbetween these times that have caused her to spiral down in the the darkest places.  There were several times over the past 4 years where myself, my husband or my sister in law would find my MIL zoned out on whatever pills her doctor perscribed her at the time, talking nonsense, and saying some really hard things to hear about life... The even harder part was calling 911 on your own mother, watching her be taken away, stapped to a gurney.  She was always so mad at us for doing that, but we didnt know what else to do.  A friend of mine, also has dealt with depression, many times he has dissapeared for weeks without a trace, we have had search parties for him and a few days later he shows up and admits himself to the hospital. Another friend, suffered from postpartum depression, she called her mom crying with a bottle of pills in her hand while the baby was crying in her crib.  And I, mostly suffered from a broken heart.  My depression was directly related to the hurt and loss I felt at the time of my husbands deployment.  Even though all of these stories have different causes for why we fell victim to the horrible illness, there is one common element: an overwhelming amount of stress.  Each of us had something on our plates that were bigger then we could handle.  Bigger then us in every way and none of us had the resources to fix it.  When it comes to depression, there is no right way to go about it.  One day I went to my doctor, and talked about it.  Thankfully, she was very understanding, and helped me through it.  I did not have the unfortunate experiance of taking medication like my friends and my mother in law, because I was able to find a strength  that they have not found yet.  And that strength came from realizing that I was not alone.  I wasnt the only person who felt defeated, hurt, alone, worthless, abandon, unloved, unacceptable and uncared for.  Because I had these 3 people in my life who have talked about their depression, who I have seen go through it.  I took these peoples hearts into my hands and rose above the lies.  This is why I am writing, because people need to KNOW that they are normal, that they are not alone.  That there is real people in this world, with real life situations and that depression is real! It can tear you apart and break your soul.  But only if you let it. Tonight my mother in law called me, and told me she had a gun in her hand.  She begged me to not call the police and that if I did she would run away.  I called the police, and she got in her car and left.  As I type, there are 6 police looking for her.  I honestly don't know what to do. All I can hope for is that she too, will see that she is not alone.  And that SHE is the only person who can heal her.  No amount of medication or talk therapy can heal a person.  Healing is a choice we have to make within ourselves.  But the first step to healing is letting go.  Whatever it is that is holding you down, you have to let it go.  One day at a time, one hour at a time.  I hope that if you have suffered from depression, weather it was temporary like mine, or something you have been battling for years, like my mother in law, I hope that right now, as you read my words, you feel loved, and cared for, and that you dont feel alone, even if just for a minute.  Because this is for you. And you are loved. And in the words of Aibeleen "You is kind, you is smart, you is important"

 

 

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair."-Mumford and Sons, After the Storm

 

XOXO,

Rachelle

[mompinon]

Thank you !!! I do know what you are talking about personally and I thank you So much for sharing . I pray you and yours are doing better at this time ..I WILL FROM NOW ON AND ALWAYS KEEP YOU GUYS IN MY PRAYERS...Stess is a killer.of body and soul...!!!

[ski-nanny]

Thank-you bella, depression is that thing we still don't talk about, just like cancer used to be.  The more people talk, the less stigma there will be attached to it, and the more people will get help.  We find it easy to get help for an illness that attacks our bodies, but not one that attacks our minds.

And I truly hope you MIL is ok and gets the help she is crying out for.

[Michigan Cindy]

Hi, Bella.  I have also dealt with loved ones suffering with depression.  For those that do not have this condition,it's easy to say, "Just snap out of it".  But I realize that it is a very real medical/emotional condition that can be treated.  However, "snapping out of it is not a reasonable outcome.  Sad but true, some are so depressed that they don't have the desire to get well.  Praying that your MIL will be safe and will accept treatment.  God has not created any individuals with no value. 

[eljac913 (Ship 12 Div 053)]

Praying for all of you.  Thank you for sharing such a personal thing.  I am sure you have helped someone with your story.  Thank you. 

[Alex's Mom Ship 11 Division 262]

You seem very wise to realize that you are not alone, talking to a professional (doctor) can be very helpful, and time can be so helpful.  May God watch over you and your family......