Navy life...where it hurts the married life.

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

So basically I hate statistics.

Because they say that me and my husband have about a 1% chance of not getting divorced.

I swear I am going to prove them wrong. But this uphill battle is tiring and frustrating, and quite frankly I am flat out exhausted. With my husband gone for 12 hours of the day monday-friday and me working 45 hours a week, a new puppy who needs so much attention, I feel like she is a human child, and us drowning in bills, sometimes walking away seems like a pretty damn good option. Excuse my language. I knew that getting married at 20, having no knowledge of the world and how to live on my own was going to be a struggle. I knew that getting married at 20 to the military was going to be an even bigger struggle. But I didn't know that it was going to be this hard. At times I envy my friends who are away at college and are "living it up" while I am scrubbing puppy urine off my carpets while folding laundry, cooking dinner and paying bills. Though I feel as though I shouldn't complain as my problems are self inflicted. I chose my path, I chose to be apart of this life. I chose to live in a freaking field for 4 years. All because I chose love. Is there ever anything that out weighs love though? Is there something that really could push me far enough to walk away when it has only been 4 months? 4 months! As of 3 days ago, we have been married for 4 months and I didn't even realize that until just now. Has it really been that long? That short? I feel like I have been here forever. I don't want to give up. I don't want to walk away. I love him, that is the only thing I am sure of. That is the only thing I know to be true, is that we love eachother. Together, I feel as though we are invincible, we, as a couple can take on the world. But me, by myself, I feel weak, like a child. I don't like feeling this way. I don't want to feel this way. I want to know that when he is gone, 6 months out of the year, ever year for the next 4 years...that I can handle it. That I can do anything, that I won't surrender waving a white flag. I am just so scared. I am scared of looking back on my life and not being able to smile and say "I had a good life, I did everything I wanted to do". If I die that person, I will never forgive myself, and with that, I feel that I will never forgive my husband. Which is a horrible thing to do. Resent your husband for trying to provide a wonderful life for you. But what do you do when you find out that everything you ever wanted is everything you never wanted? I wanted to marry young, live in a tiny apartment and be a military wife for the rest of my life. I wanted to travel the world and learn a different language and be a well rounded, kind, loving person. But right now, all I want is to go home. I want to go back to my mom and dad. I want to wake up without worrying about laundry, of if my husband thinks I am doing an okay job at being a wife. I want to stop worrying about money and that god damn dog and if it is going to pee on my carpet. I want to go back to school with all my friends and stay up all night watching star trek with my boyfriend and talk about the places we are going to go someday. I miss my boyfriend, I miss jake. I want him back. I dont want the navy anymore, I dont want the person the navy made him to be. I want our shitty old truck that we had to push start every other day.

Really, more then anything, I just want to sleep more then 4 hours at a time.

I really am venting. Really. I love my husband, please do not think that I don't. I don't want to, nor do I have the right to complain about what God has provided for me. A good husband, a home, a new car...

The genorosity of my life is beautiful and touching. And at times I feel full of life and on top of the world. But today, right now, I feel empty, cold and lonely...and I know this feeling will leave. When my husband comes home and sheds off his camos, puts on a pair of jeans and we snuggle up on the couch and turn on the History channel...That is when this feeling goes away. When the rest of the world can't see us and we can just be us, no commands, no uniforms, no acronyms...just Rachelle and Jake, Jake and Rachelle. That is all I really want... That is what makes me happy...I guess what scares me most is deployment...

 

The word haunts me...

[Anti M]

My family must be the exception,our military marriages have been strong and long lasting. My parents were married for over 60 years, through long deployments and WWII, my brother in the AF has been married over 40 years, hubby and I are going on 24 years.  One per cent my shiny heinie!

 

Hugs, and hang in there!  I hope you print your venting out and tuck it away to read on your 25th anniversary.

[ebigirl]

I wouldn't rely on statistics for anything. You say you have been married for 4 months. Wow, to me that seems like 4 lifetimes ago. My husband and I have been married for almost 22 years. I was 26 and he was almost 22 when we married. I knew that he wanted to be a police officer when I met him, and I was o.k. with that. My friends all told me I was nuts to marry someone who was planning on becoming a cop. Why was I o.k. with this? For one reason: It had been my husbands dream since he was 10 years old to become a police officer. I would never ask him to give up on his dream and his passion for me.

He did become a police officer about a year after we got married. We started his (our) law enforcement career together from the very beginning. He had to go through the police academy, similar to bootcamp except that he was at home most nights studying if not studyiing with his study group. He was in the academy for 4 months, and I was pregnant with our son during this time. We have been through every aspect of working in law enforcement together from holiday dinners being served buffet style at the station for the team that was working that day/night to attending the funeral of his partner who was shot and killed in the line of duty.

No, it's not an easy thing to do. Shift work sucks, trying to keep an infant, then a toddler etc. quiet while daddy's sleeping is impossible, holidays kind of come and go, living from paycheck to paycheck...the list goes on. We have done it together, and that is the most important aspect of my message. Would I do it all over again? In a heart beat. My husband loves his job (95% of the time) and is anxious to go to work every day/night. I tell people that I would much rather be married to someone who loves his job as much as my husband does and WANTS to go to work everyday than to someone who is constantly gripping about his job and hates it.

Not only does he love his job, but he's very good at what he does. I am so proud of the work that he does and the difference that he makes in other peoples lives almost everyday.

One thing I would do differently if I had the chance: Wait to have a child for a couple of more years. It sounds like you and Jake are young. Trust me....there is NO reason to rush the baby idea. Enjoy being a couple and finding your way together before adding to your family. If you think your puppy is needy....need I go on?

I hope this helps and you come to understand that it's not just Jake that's married to the Navy....you both are.

Ebigirl

 

[TexasMomof2]

I am SOOO glad you chose to vent here.....if you don't, your thoughts swirl around your head and can make you CRAAAZZYYY!  Everyone's advice is perfect and I want to reiterate one extra thing, please get rid of the puppy.  Don't have those guilt feelings in giving it a different home.  This is your sanity and you are totally justified, you know?  As an owner of 4 dogs, I realize how much work it is and it's okay for you to say that it's turned out to not be the best decision at this time. It will be one less stressor for you.  Okay? 

[YMM (Ship 12 Div 98)]

I agree with Texas Mom of 2. Make life easier on yourself and find your puppy a new home. Please contact a local humane society for help. Keep turning to the women who belong to this website. It's been great for me. Take care.

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Thank you everyone so much! You all have been so helpful. I cried a little and laughed a little at some of the thongs you guys said. Sorry ladies but as for the puppy I am dearly attached. And I have not even had her for a week. I just lost my patients with her. I am going to give it a few more months with her before I throw in the towel. Venting helped so much though. I really appriciate having ears to hear me. I read this blog to my husband hoping he would understand and not take offense to my comments about resentment and frustration. Thankfully God gave me and very compasstionet husband and he just came over and gave me a big hug, kissed me and told me everything will be okay. Thank you all for everything!

[ebigirl]

Bella: I just realized that I left out the important information of all. My 19 year old son has joined the Navy and leaves for bc in just 2 months. That's how I'm associated with N4M's website....the story about my husband was an example of very similar issues and trials within a marriage. Take care!

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Thanks queen bee I will look into that :)

[blessedsailorsmom ship12div 039]

Bella, I don't know about Navy life but know the opposite all to well, I AM a new mommy of a Sailor and is how I am here, And at this joyful time for my son I am faced with many trials in my own marrige!! I won't be detailed about it but can let you know that the grass IS NOT greener in the "civi" side(learned that word from my son today! LOL civilian").... this world is filled with so much good stuff but also alot of Bs ! the structure this world offers is not a very good one ! I also have 5 kids and school is NOT what it used to be! at least you have stabiliy and some structure in your marrige and your future I totally agree "that which that dosn

t kill u can only make u stronger" ( I myself am hanging on a prayer at this time but that prayer has got me through many other time s before.   I don't know if you are open to "church" lol that sounds so religius! (not meaning to!) but a community of people that will pray you through is always a positive move... It's saved my butt and my marrige many times, Not to mention having god sitting shotgun lets me know I am NOT alone though I feel it at times as we all do ! also know he is with your hubby :) Hang tuff !!!! and anchore your self , you r a strong young lady! A USA Navy wife <3 with a husband that loves her enough to made a difference in this world rather then to be a loser like so many others "out here" LOL !!! my children grew up without a father... He HAD a dream at one point to join but ..... anyways.... Iam Blessed to have my son tell me "MOM I am making that difference" !!!! so AS HARD as it was for me..." i gave him my blessing" Navy moms is a great place! For we have our babies there as well <3 God bless u , and I hope this helps. Keep open and talking on here to us! support ur man , u r very very blessed! 

[rona.j]

Hey bella, do u live on base? I know exactly what you mean...I've been there and I had face that. I got married at 20, struggled with bills, had a dog, etc! but love NEVER fails! I can tell you stories of when we first were stationed in VA. Spent 6 years there.. away from home, (Hawaii) things will get better, if you learn to look at the bright side of things and think positively, things turn out fined. I did just that, and 6 years later, we are FAR better place than we were. Starting is always hard, but when you get use to things, you'll be able to navigate your way around this kind of life. I survived back to back deployment, the first one I spent alone in VA. Not knowing anyone. If u need someone to talk to....you are more than welcome to email me! I live on base. I have no kids but I do have a little dog :) I don't work but go to school online. Anyway, whats your husbands command? I know theres a ship leaving soon. My husband is an AT and he's on FRC 600 WEST. Well, anyway, like I said feel free to email me if  you need to talk and I'll give you my phone number.

[Stephanie( Mrs. Davis)]

Hello:) Long time no talk Rachelle. I haven't been on here in forever but, im sorry to hear about what your going through. I envy you though. Im in Fl while Dev is in Wa and he leaves monday for deployment:( As were going through hard times we are always going to look at the past when things seemed easier or our friends lives that seem easy and careless but what I think is while they are partying and dating all these guys, I have one. An amazing one, one that loves me unconditionally and one that I would do anything for. Know that your guys love can make it through the good and the bad. Don't listen to the statisitcs sweetie. It's not going to be easy but thats why we are here to vent, laugh, and cry to each other. We all have hard time now or to come and everyone needs someone to lean on. What you and Jake have is special. Cherrish the time he is here before he deploys. Good luck with everything & I am here for you girl. It seems we have already went through all these steps together:)