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My Dad passed away, Should I tell my SR?
My dad has been sick for some time. He went into the hospital a few weeks ago (the weekend before my son shipped to boot camp) My son was aware of his Grandpa's condition and I reminded him that it could be the last time he sees him. (he opted to not go to the hospital) My son swore in and left for boot camp on 3/12. My dad passed away on Sunday 3/24. His recruiter suggested that I not tell my son as it may do more harm with him knowing and not being able to do anything about it. My brother-in-law, who has two boys in the Marines, said the same. Thoughts? I know I'm going to get letters from him and he is going to ask how his Grandpa is doing. I'm against lying to him. Any advice on how I should handle this situation?
Views: 445
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Susan_Proud Mom on
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I am not sure...when my nephew was in his advanced training...his gpa passed...they did not tell him as it would interrupt his training. Everyone felt he worked too hard to get to that point...better not to interfere with his plans. Not much he can do at that point anyway. Hard call...you know your son. Best wishes and my sympathy to you and your family.
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When my nephew finished...they let him know ....he was sorry his gpa passed and missed the funeral...but he understood where their thinking was and that they let him finish his journey.
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Permalink Reply by Valtameri on
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Very sorry to hear about your father's passing. I also suggest not telling your recruit, if you can avoid it. Of course, if he asks directly, I would tell him (as I am also against lying). Someone we know was murdered while our son was at RTC; we didn't mention it until after graduation.
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Permalink Reply by B'sNukeMoM⚓️MMN(Vet) on
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I am sorry about your father's passing. And I agree - I wouldn't bring it up until you see him at PIR (unless he specifically asks). You could also choose to just not answer his question about grandpa in the letter. He may realize something has happened but you might be able to put off discussing it until you see him in person.
We discussed this with our son before he left for BC and he said he didn't want any bad news while he was gone.
You know your son best - and again I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
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Permalink Reply by Momsy on
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I am facing this issue with my son who leaves at the end of April. My dad is terminally ill and his days are numbered.... We have had this discussion and our Pastor suggested we video the service (should we need to) for our son, so we do not interrupt his training but provide him some closure. It is a tough spot to be in, but so glad we had the discussion with our son. Our thoughts and prayers for your family at this most difficult time!
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. If anything tell him youre only going to write him about happy things to keep him focused and avoid any questions by not answering. He might feel guilt for not going to see him ontop of grief. That's enough to really sabotage his mind space and focus. So sorry for your loss and the awful timing. I'd protect your son from anything that could throw his progress, especially since he can't do anything about it.
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Permalink Reply by MaryColleen on
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I’m sorry for your loss. My opinion based on your information shared...he knew he was sick, and chose not to see him before leaving; that makes me feel like maybe he wanted to remember Grandpa the way he was before getting sick. I wouldn’t tell him until PIR, unless he asks. However, as someone else already stated...you know him best. We discussed this with our son before swearing in, as his grandpa is 93. He chose to know, knowing that he won’t come home. Hope this was helpful. Best of luck.
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Permalink Reply by Jessk on
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Just wanted to update this thread. My sailor graduated on Friday. As we were driving home for a few hours (we live in the Chicago area) I told him about his Grandpa, he seemed slightly saddened but okay and then thanked me for not telling him until after graduation. It was such a relief. Thank you all for your advice and it is such a weight off knowing I made the right choice.
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