Am I the only one here who's totally relaxed about sending my child to boot camp?

[Arwen]

There are a LOT of posts from mothers worried/stressed about their sons or daughters going to boot camp, I'm just looking for a little reassurance that I am not the only one who has no problem with my child leaving?

I've helped him study and "encouraged" him to keep up his PT so that when he goes he will be ready to take that test and make E-2 right away. I'm very comfortable with letting him go.I feel he's ready. I'd send him tomorrow if I thought he was ready for the test and was sure he could still get the same job.

Is it because we did this once already, sending him off to college last summer (2008)? I was just as relaxed then, too. A hug and a goodbye, a minute of tears as I watch him leave, and he's gone. Out of sight, out of mind, except for letters or phone calls.

Is it because I went to boot camp myself, I know what it's like, so it holds no fears for me?

Mostly I'm eager to hear about what he learns, how boot camp has changed from my experience, fun and outrageous stories, and to hear of his future adventures.

So, is there anyone else out there who feels the same way I do: pride that my son is ready to make a major step towards independent adulthood with a touch of relief that he isn't going to stay home forever?

[Kristina Marie]

I am also totally relaxed at sending my son to boot camp. He has been gone since mid-December and although we missed him at Christmas, I wasn't concerned or worried for him. The saddest thing was he was able to call home today and we talked for about 10 minutes. When it was time for him to go, he totally lost it. He said that he is doing well physically, and mentally, understanding that a lot of boot camp is a mental play. But even though before he left he was counting down the days before he would be free of his little brothers, he is now realizing how much of a family guy he is. So he just broke down when it was time to go. It almost broke my heart.... I just told him how proud we are and that this would be all overy before he knew it... then I told him a quick joke and told him I loved him.

I was telling my son before he left that this was a huge step into his adult life, but I don't think it hit him until he left, because in his first letter home he wrote that he was saddened to suddenly realize that he had in essence "moved out" and was a full fledged adult now.

So don't feel bad that you are relaxed about this stage in your son's life.

[Gwen]

Kristina, I was once told the two greatest gifts a parent can give his/her child are roots and wings. Let your son know you are giving him his wings - they'll be a bit wobbly at first but he'll fly beautifully through all the up and down-drafts of life because of the solid roots he has in family. I realized my son needed more time to take root after his second year in college - funny but it was he who told us that he needed more time at home because he was too young and lacked the maturity necessary for life away from home. So, yes it was sad the last time we went two states away to collect his things instead of going to his graduation. In hindsight that was our lesson (as parents) to learn and while the following 18 months were not exactly pain-free we had to set serious boundaries and expectations for our returning "bird" - Yes, he pushed but we remained unified in our desire that he get a life that will provide a future that he needs as opposed to the fuzzy fun-lined future envisioned by MTV. Working long hours at minimum wage and paying for most of his 'desires' he came to that conclusion. At 22 he took his wings and flew the nest with our blessing. We've received three calls and numerous letters and can say our son sounds happy with his decision.
I am sure your son will come to that same conclusion - you don't say how old your son is but age may have something to do with the loneliness he feels.
All the best to your son and you.

[cindykeith]

my son went to the army after four years in college and cum laude gratuating then as a shock and surprise went to the army, my daughter only went to 2 years of nursing then to the navy....I am a single mom of 12 years with no dad in the picture and I was completely devistated! But they are doing great~~ me on the other hand I am just lonely....

[Gwen]

cindy, please, take care of yourself now. You've taken care of your children - given them roots and wings now take care of your soul. A woman's biggest enemy is loneliness - it causes us to do many things that may not be good for us. If you can, volunteer, garden, read books that interest you - Being a mom and principle breadwinner is a difficult job and you've done it (probably quite well) But it should not be WHO YOU ARE forever. Try writing each day in a journal - give thanks for the people around you - everything.

I'm sorry, It hurts to hear other moms lonely. These are just suggestions - please consider.
Keep in touch.

[JT'S MOM]

YES, I feel the same way...I too went to bootcamp in 1985. I think he is doing the greatest thing he could do at this point in his life. I too am excited to hear about everything he is doing and how it has changed. I received a note with his stuff last week. It said "Mom Dad I made it. Having fun." That was it but it's definitly ok by me...

[Robyn Schwartz]

We sort of had a "don't let the door hit you on the way out" attitude. Even though our son was no problem teen, as soon as he made the Navy decision and graduated high school there was a definite attiutde change. We all needed him to go into the Navy!

So I'm with you, it was a stressless period, the hard parts came after boot camp...15 years later, we're still OK with his decision. And he's still in the Navy, reserves, but it's still the Navy!

[John and Yvonne]

I'm glad to hear so many of you are "OK" with your sons/daughters going into the Navyand not experiencing separation anxiety. Some do and some don't. I had one Navyformom mom express surprise that there were so many people who struggled intensely with the separation. I'm guessing that it may be hardest for the moms who are single (for whatever reason) and whose lives have been totally devoted to raising their son or daughter. Those moms all of a sudden have to deal with being totally alone. That can be really hard! Add to that the uncetainty and secrecy of military life their child is entering can be overwhelming.

I don't know how my parents reacted after I left home to join the Navy; but I think they were much like you. Unfortunately, I think complicated things for them by not writing (pre-cell phone days). My mom finally called the Red Cross and they contacted my commanding officer. He called me into his office and really read me the riot act! He made me sit in his office and write my mom a letter, which he mailed. Even worse, my brother who was 10 when I left, and proud as a peacock about his big brother in the Navy, didn't hear from me much. Six years later he wasn't much interested in reestablishing the relationship. I was young and didn't think much about that stuff. Now that I'm older I realize the importance of staying in touch regularly.

Even if you are perfectly good with his choice and going into the Navy. Stay in touch with him or her. For those who really feel the separation intensely, I would say the same thing. Stay in touch regularly. Don't let those relationships slip away. They are precious. whatever you do, don't let it become "Out of sight out of mind."

[bonnie]

To john and Yvonne.
This is such good advice. I am very proud of my daughter but I go nuts when tooo long of a gap occurs and she hasn't been in touch. I gave my daughter many opportunities to go away when she was young. 2-3 week camps, (not much parent contact allowed)--encouraged her to take extra training during her Navy Sea Cadet Corp (high school years) sent her off alone to Norfolk VA from San Francisco-- So I am used to her being away. The one things that irritates me the most is the lack of communication from her part. These days, we have many modes of instant communication: skype, internet, Facebook, cell phones, etc.
I am going to share your letter with her. I don't want the same distance to occur between her brother and her. Who knows these things when we are young? Wise words.

[BunkerQB]

Is this the bonnie I "N4M talked" with 4 months ago - from San Fran area? If it is, I want you to know that we have a new group, a spin-off from the North Cal group. With North Cal being as big as it is, it was inevitable that we have a group centered more around the Bay Area. We had a Meet & Greet in Redwood City in January, one in Santa Clara last week, one in Fremont in March. in fact, we have 11 events all together - including a wine country mixer in June and a dinner during Fleet Week in Oct. If you are that bonnie, click on the link below and come join us.

http://www.navyformoms.com/group/sfbayareanavyfamilies

[Arwen]

I noticed there are no north bay (Sonoma County) meetings. Is there a different group for those moms, or are there just not a lot of Navy Moms there?

[bonnie]

Hi BunkerBee! I don't know if I am that Bonnie, I am actually in San Francisco, not the San Fran area. I have a 'sailor girl' in Mass Communications (MC). Am I that bonnie?!!!

[pgrlisa]

I am also OK with sending my daughter to boot camp, for a couple of reasons. First, she's 26. She's been away at college and married, living in other states for the last 3 years. Second, her husband has been in the Navy for 8 years, so we have some idea what's going to happen. And finally, she's going to OCS. I don't know that it will be significantly different than regular basic training, but I know it will be different. Still, I can't imagine not being able to talk with her for 9 weeks. That seems like an eternity since we talk now almost every day. I am immensely proud of her for being accepted into OCS and into the nukes program. And that she will always outrank her husband! :)