Getting out of Navy

[sar-nucnavymom]

My daughter, Samantha, and the Navy hasn't ever been a good combination.  As I talked with my daughter today, June 02, 2010, she has informed me that her drill weekends, which as we all know, are only once a month and two weeks in the summer are starting to interfere with her culinary career as she attends school in Pittsburgh, PA.  My daughter is almost 21 and is capable of her own decisions, and I need to let her make her own decisions, whether good or bad.  Samantha has told me that she no longer wants to be part of the Navy and pursue her culinary career with more gusto.  Nothing has gone right for my daughter from the time she was in BC and VA for

A school.  Samantha did not graduate with her unit at Great Lakes because of her swim troubles, got kicked out of A school for lack of effort with her schooling and took her a long time after getting out of A school in the beginning of October to check in with her reserve center.  They were calling me at home and looking for her and was facing some negative consequences if my daughter did not check in soon.  Eventually, she did but with a lot of reservation.

 

I am supportive of my daughter no matter what her decisions.  Just need to know if any other moms have encountered the same dilemna and need some feedback and support.

 

Thanks,

 

Susan

[EMC (SS)]

There is no such thing as an administrative discharge. I know we are talking about semantics with this, but when it comes to discharges and their codes semantics makes a BIG difference. It is an Administrative Separation from Naval Service for one of the above stated reasons. The best discharge that this will get you unless you meet one of the above requirements is a General under Honorable Conditions discharge.
"General (Under Honorable Conditions). If a member's service has been honest and faithful, it is appropriate to characterize that service under honorable conditions. Characterization of service as General (under honorable conditions) is warranted when significant negative aspects of the member's conduct or performance of duty outweigh positive aspects of the member's military conduct or performance of duty outweigh positive aspects of the record. A General (under honorable conditions) characterization of discharge may jeopardize a member's ability to benefit from the Montgomery G.I. Bill if they, in fact, had contributed. Moreover, the member will not normally be allowed to reenlist or enter a different military service." from http://usmilitary.about.com/od/justicelawlegislation/l/aadischarge1...

Additionally, the Department of Veteran's Affairs makes its own decisions about benefits and unless you were administratively separated for medical reasons, they may not give you any benefits unless you have an Honorable Discharge.

[Viki]

It just wasn't meant to be..... could be worse :)
So many things in life I started and wasn't smart enough to finish. She is smarter than me...

[sar-nucnavymom]

It is great to have support from other moms and it is encouraging to me that my daughter is making the right choice for herself and realizing that the military life is not for her and now is the time to get out and do what is best for her. My daughter will always have my support regardless of her decisions. Thanks, Viki.

Have a blessed day!

[Sharon]

Hello, How is your daughter doing now? I have encountered some of the same problems. My daughter is 22 and is not enjoying Navy life at all. She is very depressed all the time. Is there hope for your daughter being released Honorably? Thanks

[sar-nucnavymom]

Hi Sharon. Is your daughter active duty or reservist? How long is your daughter's contract for? My daughter is only a reservist. According to the recruiter, I have heard that there are no negative consequences for her not attending any work weekends. Since my daughter has stopped going to the work weekends, I have not gotten any phone calls for them looking for her since July. I have to wait and see if I get any phone calls from the reserve center looking for her for her work weekend in August. What I don't agree with is the ease of getting out of a contract. I have taught my children that what you start you finish; yet it did not sink in with my daughter. She will be 21 in September. There is not much I can say to her that she would listen to. She has not lived under my roof for over a year now; I just make sure that I am there for my daughter, as I know you are also and give each of our daughters all the love and support they need. You and your daughter are in my prayers. Keep in touch. Susan.

[Sharon]

Hello, My daughter is active duty 4 more years, then 3 reserve. I agree with you we as Mothers just need to be there for our children. It is so hard to see them struggling. Thank you for the prayers. That is all we can do is pray. Thank you for responding. It is nice to have support or know that someone else is going through the same things. My daughter is stationed in Twenty-nine Palms, CA so she is very far away. That is also very hard. I haven't seen her since March. Thank you so much! Sharon

[sar-nucnavymom]

HI Sharon. Just thinking of you and hope you had a good.day. How often do you get to talk to your daughter. Where do you live? I live in PA. My daughter is presently in FL and flying to NC the 1st of September, the same day that I leave for The Great Lakes for graduation for my son. I have not seen my daughter since March, and I miss her terribly. I am giving my daughter the space she needs to grow and mature and find her way. She knows that I am only a phone call away. Thank God for cell phones. I have to refrain from trying to always pick her up when she falls (it is not easy) so that she can bounce back on her own and learn from mistakes she has made. My daughter has been asking me for help financially; I can barely make it on with my salary and my husband's. I know that if push came to shove, the money I needed to help her would be provided to me for her. I am caught in the middle as well because my daughter is my husband's step-daughter and her attitude and trying to find her own way is something he has a tough time understanding. Dads always protect their daughters no matter what! and are always watching from the sidelines. Take care. Have a great day. Talk soon. Susan

[Sharon]

Susan, Thanks so much for thinking of me. I can talk to my daughter every day if she will answer her cell, but i don't for the same purposes you mentioned "growth". She needs to find her own way in life and can't just give up on things so easily. I try to stay a distance when she is trying to figure things out because it isn't always good to give my advice. Support and encouragement "yes" advice "not so much". We live in MN our daughter in CA. My daughter used to ask for help financially and joining to Navy has helped her be more independent with her finances. I hear what your saying about being caught in the middle of things like that, this is me and my husbands daughter together and it is sort of the same thing, but we have decided together that helping her financially had to end. Your son joined the Navy too? I hope you have a great trip to Great Lakes. I enjoyed going to the graduation there. Is your son enlisted full-time? What will he be doing for the Navy? It is nice to have someone to talk about Navy things. Thank you and God bless. Sharon

[sar-nucnavymom]

Hi Sharon. How is your day going so far? I just got off the phone with my daughter asking about her decision with getting out of the Navy as a reservist. The only info I got is that she received some papers in the mail that need to be filled out. Prying for info was not easy. All I figured out is that once the papers are filled out, my daughter will be getting an honorable discharge, which is good. But either way, I am glad that she is doing this because from the moment my daughter shipped out, was in boot camp and at a-school, things did not go well for her. And even after she did not graduate with her division, so I did not get to see her ceremony or anything. To top that off, about 3 weeks before a-school was done, she came home and did not finish her schooling. After doing some probing, I was informed that she did not leave on her own free will; was forced to leave. Through it all, I was not pleased with the outcome of her short-lived Navy career, yet still supportive. I still am today. My daughter is presently in FL, but moving to NC 01-Sept-10. When I am asked how she is doing, I simply say she is trying to find where she belongs. She did ask me for $ to move, I was truthful with her and said I did not have any extra. I work in the school where my children have attended as a dishwasher and was unable to collect unemployment for the summer, so it has not been an easy summer financially. The good thing is that school starts in 11 days, and I get to go back to work even if only for 3-1/2 hours a day. I am looking for a full-time position because I have too much free time on my hands and having no children at home makes it different. Food lasts alot longer now. It is good both you and your husband are on the same page with your daughter. Both my sons are in the Navy. My older son is overseas on deployment; his deployment was supposed to end in December, yet has been extended till the middle of January. Having him not home for the Christmas holiday will be a sad one, especially since he was planning on being home until he just got notification that his deployment is ending later. My older son is search and rescue and loves it. My younger son who graduates 02-Sept-10 is going and accepted into the Nuke Field as a machinist mate. He is enjoying boot camp and comments how easy it is. Both my sons are full-time. My younger son now asked us to find him a truck, which we did and paperwork is underway for the final purchase. Now what I have to look forward to is driving the truck to SC for him and then fly home. Hopefully, he will have either some holiday time or liberty for the weekend while we are there so I can visit for a bit. Thanks for asking about my sons

! In my prayers. God Bless. Susan

[Arwen]

I seriously doubt your daughter will be getting an "honorable" discharge. With her skipping work weekends, I would suspect the best she will get is a "general" discharge or, more likely, an "other than honorable" discharge.

Dropping out of the military reserves is NOT like dropping out of college. Her behavior (simply failing to show up to her meetings) is unacceptable behavior that will follow her the rest of her life. She made a commitment, signed a contact, and backed out. That does not lead to the requirement for "honest and faithful service" required for a general discharge.

A lot of sailors fail out of A-school. They get to try another school. I find it odd that she was sent home without further training, whether it was for another job or general seamanship school. I strongly suspect your daughter is not telling you the whole story. Something else is going on here.

[sar-nucnavymom]

I understand where you are coming from about what discharge my daughter gets, her lack of commitment. This is not my choice or my life. My daughter is 21 and is on her own. Whatever happens, the consequences are hers to deal with.
Thanks for your feedback and your support. I can ask my daughter about the exact events that took place almost one year ago, but knowing her track record, I am not sure what I will hear will be the honest truth. It is a comfort for me to hear from other moms and have all that support.
Susan

[Arwen]

I'm glad you have your eyes open regarding your daughter. The hardest thing to hear is when parents choose to accept their child's version and deny any other possibility.

Maybe someday she will grow up and develop some maturity about this kind of thing. The scientists say human brains are not fully developed until age 25, and until then their judgment can be a bit skewed. At 21 she still has a good chance. Good luck with helping guide her through this. Your attitude sure helps.