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A Let Down after PIR
Anyone else out there with a similar story, please share. We had our PIR on Friday with 4 of us relatives being there and 2 friend of our sons. We loved the ceremony and then all 7 of us went out to lunch. My son was thrilled to see us and his two friends of course. Near the end of the day he wanted to go home (don't live far from GL), so we did. He took a long shower, put on sweat pants and fooled around with the computer for awhile. No one came over or was asked to come over and then it was time to take him back. He was happy...
Yesterday morning I then picked him up, we stopped at a family friend's house and his old employer to say hi and show off his uniform (I'm guessing on that last part. lol) We ate lunch and then the rest of the day was down-hill from there. All his friends were still sleeping from the night before, probably out partying and carrying-on, so now no one was coming over. His off & on again girlfriend was playing facebook games like I don't have a phone, call my house phone and text me type of things. She kind of let him down big time by not coming over. She was writing him while in bc and saying that she couldn't wait to see him in his uniform and stuff, and then became a no-show! As the day went on, he clearly became more upset at the lack of friends coming over. It's like he has moved on, but doesn't know it yet. He said he was bored and we offered to go somewhere or take him somewhere to do somthing, but he didn't want to. He made a strange comment that "home doesn't feel like home anymore". I think that the weekend was more of a tease for him because he just coulnd't get in his car and drive where he wanted to and the friends let him down. So I am hoping that is what he meant about home...I tried getting more out of him, but he clammed up.
Today, Sunday the last day of his leave, we are picking him up and waiting on no one to come on and visit. We are going to stay busy all day, like going out to eat and taking in a movie.
Any advice out there as to what might have been going through his head on Saturday? Maybe a little down in the dumps because his next step is A school in Pensacoloa for 1 month and then on to his base in San Diego. It's like phase 2 is now here and he is unsure or not liking it??? Could all the hype of graduation lead to a big come-down on Saturday? To see him so upset on Saturday has me worried...please I would love to hear from someone who has not had the greatest PIR weekend too!
Views: 107
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by JessicaB-Sailor Mom on
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It sounds like his friends really let him down. They don't understand what he's been through and were very disrespectful to him. I don't blame him for being a bit sad.
Is there any way you can get on the phone and make arrangements for them to see him today..esp the girlfriend? Sounds like there may be a bit of jealousy there as well. He has started a new phase in his life and left them behind.
The most important thing is for the family to be there...if you can get his firends thre that would be great but he needs to know that he is appreciated. Are there any more family members you can get to come to see him as well? Perhaps a last minute reunion of sorts.
I'm so sorry that PIR weekend was a let down esp for him. To have gone through 8 weeks of boot camp and to feel let down must be aggrivating to everyone.
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Permalink Reply by Pam1957 on
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It is...that's why I am up at 3:00am Chicago time...insomnia over this.
I will try to get a hold of his friends for today. I have to remember that they are only 19 years old and immature or I would be saying that they really are not his friends at this point. They did let him down. I don't think that they realize that it could be some time again before they see him. Gosh, I never thought they would be this way...
We don't have much family here and the relatives that came with us to PIR are from Wisconsin, so that pretty much rules out family.
I just hope that he goes off to A-school in a good frame of mind after this...it's like he matured and the friends did not.
Thanks JessicaB'sMom for the kind words...
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You're welcome.My son's friends are pretty much the same way. They expected him to be the same immature, sleeping late, no goals person and when he wasn't they all kinda withdrew a bit. They are jealous and impressed...too immature to let your son know how impressed they are. So they withdraw.
May want to let them have time to adjust to your new son...let them play video games for a bit that seems to be what they all want to do. That way they can talk to each other while doing something else.
Just keep telling your son that home will always be just that...HOME. Even though he has changed it will not and it will always be there for him as well as his memories of home.
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Thank you...that really helped a lot. I even got teary-eyed about your last paragraph...that is exactly what my husband and I were saying last night.
I started trying to get a little pizza party going for him today. I just now started FB-ing his friends, so we will see what happens. Maybe a big group of friends/kids here at the house would be just what he needs. The more the merrier...Keep your fingers crossed that they show up.
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I will and hope to see your "happy" post later on.
Just let him know that they may be a bit jealous and they don't know how to act around him...they feel wierd that he is standing so straight and proud, he has goals and objectives now. He IS different in a way and they are still the same. They will see the differences and will feel like the real friend has changed but he hasn't he's just an improved, more mature, determined version of himself...his real self hasn't changed. He just knows where he's going in life and that makes all the difference.
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It will be fine...just let him know that they in a way can't help it. He has left them behind in a way. They will come around but he will have new friends now...they will always be his childhood friends but now he will have friends in the Navy with the similiar goals and experiences as him.
It's a hard thing to do...bridge the gulf between childhood and adulthood esp when you've got dear friends who are left behind or still on the bridge...not wanting to cross over to adulthood.
He's been through a rough time and really needs their presence. I hope they come through for him. Hopefully that pizza party will do the trick.
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Permalink Reply by Anti M on
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This is very normal, he has just been through a very intense experience and bonded with his shipmates. There is no way home and old friends will compare. That GF is an ex in my mind, she won't last.
This is the reason that the Navy doesn't want the recruits going home directly after BC, why they have that 50 mile liberty limit that first weekend. Their heads are in a new place, and jumping back into their old life is counter-productive. He may be mourning his lost childhood just a little. He also just came out of 8 weeks of very structured time, being left to himself would be lonely and somewhat confusing. Your Sunday plan is perfect.
Once he gets into school and the fleet, has goals and direction, he should perk up.
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Diane that is so true...they just need to realize that HOME will always be there...no matter what else changes.
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Wow thanks everyone for the solid advice...my thinking started to get clouded with feelings of sadness for my son. After reading all these responses and getting our thoughts squared away, we told our Sailor all of this and now his demeanor today is so much better than yesterday. His friends picked him up today to see a movie and then we they get back the pizza party is on...I will post later as to how it all turns out. I have to hurry up and clean. lol Thanks everyone! I cannot even begin to tell you how much all your advice is appreciated...
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YAY...so he's getting some time with his friends !! That will help his frame of mind and yours as well. Eat a slice of pizza for me!!
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Well the week-end has now ended and our Sailor is back on base at GL and what a week-end it has been! We ended it with pizza and pop and thank God the old kid in our new Sailor made an appearance! He made a comment that he now felt like he was not missing anything and everyone (his friends) are exactly where he left them on the day he left. I can tell that there is a huge change in our son just in the 8 weeks that he has been gone. He is standing taller, more proud, doesn't quit talking (never talked before lol), polite and no swearing. Holy cow! A change kid into a man....The on and off girl friend, I think is history with him and he is looking forward to the next phase. I think that she was just playing games because she really didn't want him, but didn't want any one else to want him and was causing chaos. Without the risk of sounding cold, I am glad that she out of the picture. These kids need undivided attention a this point!
I just have to get my mind wrapped around all this...now with the completion of BC, this has all become reality for me. With us living so close to GL, I kept telling myself that he is not that far away. Now I have to deal with it! What a rollercoaster ride we are on and it really does a number on your head after awhile!
Thanks everyone for your help...we had the chance to talk to more our sailor again tonight and made sure that everything was crystal clear including your Home is always Home no matter what! He feels better and so do we!
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