I'm a Sailor's girlfriend, Japan is where he's going HELP ME!

[SailorsAngel21]

Today I just found out that he got stationed in Sasebo Japan. Japan was our worst case possible. I'm completely devastated by this. I want to go with him, even if I don't have the Navy support. I don't know what ship he's on yet. If you have words of advice, support or story's about your sailors you can share with me, I can't tell you how much I would appreciate it. I'm at a loss, we're so in love, and I know this is the man I want to marry, it's not some "fling" thing. Please help me! My boyfriend is an EN-E2, if that makes any differance with things.

[Arwen]

You can't get a long-term visa unless you are married and sponsored, so you would have to fly back to the US every three months to renew your visa, rent is sky-high (try $1,500/month for a tiny apartment) and you would not be allowed to work while you are there. So, unless you are independently wealthy, it's not doable.

My advice: plan for visits. He can fly to the US for leave twice. You can fly to Japan twice for times when he expects to be in port and stay on-base in the Navy Lodge. The flights are expensive, but MUCH less expensive than trying to move to Japan on your own. Save your pennies, flights are about $1,500, plus or minus, depending on how far ahead you buy your tickets and what time of year it is. Expect premium prices ($2,500 or more) for popular travel seasons.

If you're going to get married, wait until he's ready to take his E-4 exam. The command won't sponsor you (give you housing in Japan and a possibility of a job on base) unless he is an E-4, and your chances more likely if he's an E-5. If you get married before then you will have your housing paid for, but in the US.

This will be a test of your relationship. Can it stand the stresses of long separations? That was the first test for my husband and I had. He left on a WestPac (6 month deployment) immediately after we were engaged. If your relationship can handle this, it can handle anything.

[Anti M]

Culloa, you're going on one of those ""teach English in Japan" deals? Some are okay, but research carefully, a few are scammish. I do know most of them hire on one year contracts. I'd find the details interesting, as I was offered jobs with one company. I didn't want to do the commute though.

Off topic: my Japanese neighbor offered to fund a school for me to run. Some days I think I should have accepted her offer. Then I could hire desperate Navy GFs!

[Terri E(sailor Alex's proud mom)]

SailorsAngel-My son is in Sasebo, Japan. He's a QM on MCM-7 USS Patriot. Your boyfriend probably won't know what ship he's on until he gets there. If your boyfriend gets a phone with an international calling plan, he can call you for about $100/month. Make sure he doesn't keep the phone on if he is deployed to somewhere else. My son did that once & the phone company tried to charge him over $1800. I don't know too much about Japan-I've never been there. You're bf may want to get a laptop with skype & you get a webcam.
Take care & good luck,
Terri

[SailorsAngel21]

Thanks ladies, for all the info and encouragement. I can't believe this is happening. My boyfriend is on USS Harpers Ferry LSD-49. I'm going to attempt to move to Japan independently, I'm sure it's not going to be easy at all, but being apart of the Navy, nothing is ever going to be easy. Any tip's, advice or warnings you have are appreciated!

Thanks again so much!
Katie

[eehhhlieshhhaa]

I'm glad I signed up for this, I'm able to meet people that are in the same position as me. I saw your post!! My boyfriend just got stationed too in Japan but he's stationed in Yokosuka, he's been there since Middle of August and we are def planning something. I'm actually getting my passport soon and we are figuring out his availability he is underway right now so can not really planning anything forsure so im just doing my research until he is back to port but do not worry what so ever girl he is safe with all the other sailors just make sure you keep yourself busy so you wont get all worked up just pray and have faith

[A_Sailors_Lady]

Well, I will be straight forward. You have a lot of negatives against you in this situation. The environment over there is quite different. He will most likely get a 3 year tour over there and that is a long time if your not his wife and able to be there. Young sailors arrive in Japan for the first time and get caught up in the life style. There are bars all around the base and the Japanese girls throw themselves at the young sailors hoping to get a guy for base privledges or to marry him. These women are very sneaky but that is another topic. Even the best of men with good intentions get swayed because it is so easy for them and everyone is going out and partying. He probably will go to Japan, that is where they do send a lot of new sailors. It will be a hard time for him as far as working and getting adjusted but the free time is what you must worry about. Also, it is so easy for men to lie. They can say things like," I have duty all night" or the "phones don't work on the ship". They know they can't be checked up on. You both need a lap top computer and if he doesn't have one, make sure he does before he leaves. Then install Skype so you can see him and chat all the time. You will always have to take notice of the time change. Japan is about 12 hours ahead of the US. Anyway, make sure you schedule your skype dates with him, especially on his friday and saturday nights when temptations are highest. The truth of the matter is, it is just to easy. The men are in a new place, really away for the first time and go crazy! I'm sorry this message is not positive but you need to be aware of what it is like over there. You also will have to schedule visits, so save your money to fly out there to reconnect with your man. Another concern is when the ship is "away", they could be gone for months at a time. The work will be rough but when the ships pull into the different asian ports such as Thailand, hong kong, Korea, it is all the same and even worse than Japan. The prostitutes are everywhere too. It is disgusting. I have seen so many sailors take part in this when their wives are back at home. It is awful and gross. Start researching asian port cities and educate yourself about what goes on there. You will have to keep a tight hold of your man and really keep track of his schedule. When he is an E4, and you are married then you can move over there with him. If you go before this, you may not be able to afford it and he will have to stay on the ship. Rent over there is ridiculously high too. Well, I hope that your relationship can stand the distance between you. I hope you are successful, but just stay knowledgable. Finally, if you are one of those women who will let your man cheat since your apart so long, he needs to practice safe sex. The women over there get around with all the sailors. Look out for yourself.

[eehhhlieshhhaa]

Yeah I know what you mean, my boyfriend before meeting him even though at a young age. Him, himself is raised by a military father so he's sure aware of what goes around. He tells me the exact same stories about the females there and he himself was the one that told me he would not get into any sort of position like that. He's experience the club, bar life in the states and thats why he chose to go into the navy because he wanted to do something with his life; which i'm proud of. I haven't experience myself the environment there but being a chief's son he knows not to set his standards that low. I know it's reality check for people, but I'm not really scared of him cheating or leaving me like that because I know what he's capable of doing...I'm just scared that this distance thing is affecting him more than it is me. and that being away not not really communicating only by email it can really change feelings like falling out of love.

[Arwen]

I always said that if my son gets stationed in Japan, I'm gonna get a Japanese daughter-in-law. Now that he's there, and if what you say about Japanese girls looking to marry American sailors is true, I give it less than a year before wedding bells ring. They won't even have to try hard, he's already obsessed with Japanese girls, has been for years. It would be a case of "she chased him until he caught her." LOL

[A_Sailors_Lady]

All over the Navy bases in Japan there are new young japanese wives with little babies. However, when these men complete there tours not all the wives really ever want to leave Japan. Many stay behind and some that come to the states end up returning. My husband is a Chief with 19 years in the Navy. We have had 3 tours in Japan, so I have seen my share of these situations. Tell your son to be safe and responsible, have fun but don't get serious. There will be plenty of nice women waiting for him when he comes back.

[MaraJade]

I know I am late to the game, but ... all of this is really bad advice, and not at all true.

 

If your boyfriend is the sort of person who would go out with prostitutes in the States and cheat you and be crazy, then that's simply who your boyfriend is, and why you dating him in the first place? However, even though Japan is a fun place, it's not a crazy-go-nuts free-for-all, and Japanese nationals are friendly but NOT slutty. They do NOT throw themselves at sailors. This is absolutely ridiculous.

 

If you think that you "need to keep a tight leash on your man", then there are more problems in this relationship than simply the fact that your SO is in Japan. Far. More. Problems.

[BearsNavyMom~ship04~div851]

My son and his girlfriend are in the same boat you are..  he would like to send for her,  but she can only stay for 3 mnts, unless she gets a job or something.  wish you luck..  i miss my son so much, and he was injured, and we both wish we could be there for him but we can't.. so we pray soooo much for him.. if you have a copy of his welcome aboard letter at list you can have some #'s that will help.  good luck!!