Anyone else?

[frandrea<3 Ship 12.Div 93]

I just wanted to come here and vent for a minute...

A little background information...

I was engaged to a guy for 3 years and with him for 4. It was a good relationship until the last two years or so. I believe in commitment and loyalty to a fault, so I stayed in spite of a truly terrible relationship. We were part of an amazing group of friends that included my now husband (Frank)<3 We had known each other for a little over a year and when my relationship ended, all my friends really came together to help me out, including him. I had always had a huge amount of respect for him-he was the quiet one of the group. He could have a great time, but also be responsible. He seemed to have both feet firmly on the ground and knew what he wanted out of life. I always thought he was great. He had gone through a breakup a year before with a girl he was with for 6 years (he has the same passion for commitment and loyalty), so he knew what I was going through. One thing led to another and we started dating, fell in love, etc. My life was complicated during the breakup with my ex in August, but Frank was always there for me helping in any way that he possible could. Frank asked me to move in (he made it seem like it was him doing me a favor, but he's later confessed that he loved being around me and wanted me there for his own reasons, but just made it seem like it was all him helping me out-haha). We went on vacation, we have literallly spent every waking moment together (other than him going to work or the gym) from the end of August until January 10th when he left for Great Lakes. He asked me to marry him this past Thanksgiving and we got married on December 2nd before he left for BC. We wouldn't have gotten married so quickly if it weren't for his ship date, but you know what...I don't regret that whatsoever. I don't care that it was "so soon". I am someone who knows what she wants. And I know that I had the man I had read about in books and watched on movies...my absolute Prince Charming.

So there are people that have heard the news of us getting married who were like, "You know that 80% of Navy marriages don't work out right?" "Wow, you guys can't really know each other very well." "You're crazy. There's no way you're going to be happy." It drives me crazy. All I can do it look at these peoples' pasts and see their hurt and pain from failed relationships. I feel like what Frank and I have found in each other is an extremely rare thing. (We talk about this often) Something that some people spend their entire lives looking for and never find it. But I just don't understand why people think they have the RIGHT and what good they think those types of comments are going to do. Their comments don't make me doubt...they make me angry!

And you know what, maybe it won't work out. I want it to. I'll do everything in my power to make it happen. But look at all the marriages out there that fail when people knew each other for 7 years and then got married. Or non-military marriages that fail. There are plenty of reasons for people's marriages to fail. But don't rain on my parade. Because when it comes down to it, WE are the only ones who know our hearts, our relationships, our minds. Things change, but if you find someone that makes you happy, then why not just let someone have that happiness? Maybe the reason why things don't work out for some people is all the other jerks around us screaming and scoffing, "You know this isn't going to work, right?" Maybe it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, so to speak.

Has anyone else dealt with this? If so, how do you handle it? How does it make you feel?

[NavySweetheart11]

I am so glad that you posted this. FYI,, I just started dating my current boyfriend back in September and he goes on his first deployment in May. We have discussed getting married prior to the deployment even though we will have only dated about 6-7 months before we get married (i've known him for 1 1/2 years). So basically I'm in the same situation as you are in and I've honestly been afraid of what my family and friends will think. Regardless, I know this is what I want for myself and I'm confident with that decision. I completely agree with Nuke Wife's comment. Don't let others convince you it's wrong and don't let them rain on your parade. This is supposed to be one of the happiest moments in your life so when people try to bring you down, stand up for what you believe in and you will be happy in the end...true love is hard to find! Good luck!

[Anti M]

I knew my husband for a brief three months before he transferred to Japan.  We married in Vegas while we were both on leave.  My dad was so worried I hadn't known him long enough he asked my social worker aunt to talk to me.  She said I was an adult and to leave me alone.  I was 30!  Next month is our 24th anniversary.  Tell the nay-sayers to get stuffed.

[Sweet*Southern*Lady]

Brady and i have been best friends for 10 + years. Outside of our family there are plenty of negative vibes. I honestly think people don't believe that young couples under the age of 30 should get married.  I say time will tell find me in 10yrs  see where i'm at.

[PoliceWifeNavyMom]

I have been a marriage/relationship coach for 11 years. My best advice to you is to not listen to what ANYONE else says. People who love you will always offer their advice and what they perceive to be "help" when in reality, they plant seeds of doubt that can and will grow.

 

If you love this man and he loves you then keep your focus on that. Realize that NO relationship is perfect and as with anyone, you'll go through rough spots, maybe a few more becuase of his postiion. That's OK, working through those issues just makes you stronger. Try not to share your issues with others who are vocal about these things, afterall, any issues you may have are no ones business but yours and his. He sounds like a great guy and it sounds like he would be sensitive and respectful to any concerns you might have.

 

For now, I would say to enjoy your newlywed status, forget what anyone else thinks. Like you said, the two of you know each others heart... don't let anyone taint that. Don't focus on the 'possibility' that it might not work out, just enjoy the fact that it IS!!

[frandrea<3 Ship 12.Div 93]

Thanks so much for posting on here! I definitely don't doubt my relationship and I've handled it pretty well with others, but I just needed a little vent ;)

Thanks again!

[PoliceWifeNavyMom]

Anytime frandrea... if you ever need anyone to talk to or need a shoulder, don't hesitate to message me. I have a website but don't want to post it as I don't want to violate the "no promotions" rules. If you ever need anything let me know :)

[Denise Nuke EM Mom]

I met my husband 28 years ago next month. We went on 4 dates. He was due to get out of the Navy and decided to stay, so 4 months after meeting him we got married. 3 kids, many moves, deployments and now Navy retirement we are still together. we had the nay sayers and we had the supporters. the only ones that make this work is you 2.

My son met his wife while he was at Prototype. they got married the day after her graduated Prototype. She didn't really adjust to being a Navy wife. He was on a boomer basically 3 months in port 3 months out. They had a little boy just after they had been married a year. My son was out to sea when his son was born.

As you said marriages in and out of the military fail. It is just harder sometimes to do it in the military. It will be what you make it to be.

I am sure none of would say it is easy but in the end we still love our sailor.

Good luck to you both.