Living together while in A school?? I need some advice!!

[LindseyRae228]

I've been struggling to make a decision on whether I should move to live with my sailor or not. I'm a college student in Maine and he's in A school in South Carolina. If I could transfer, the decision would be easier to make, but out-of-state tuition is expensive. I don't want to take a break from school just to move in with my boyfriend, but he's going to be in school for a while. 

He could also be doing power school in a different state, after he's done A school, so I'm not sure if it would be worth moving down there and setting up school if I'll just be moving again. He keeps bringing up marriage, but I don't want to get married just because of the Navy and I've always thought it as traditional to move in with a boyfriend before marriage. 

I need some advice- I haven't spoken to my family about this issue yet, afraid of their reactions, so I wanted to save the dilemma to talk to them until I've finalized my own decision. All my friends whom I respect say no... or to follow my heart, as long as I stay in school then everything will work out. He was the one to suggest the idea, and I think our relationship is ready for this next step, but being away from my family and friends is going to be difficult when he's always working or on duty. 

 

Please help!! 

 

[LindseyRae228]

I'm already prepared to wait a while. Part of me wishes I could go now and just drop everything, but I know in the end, I'd feel worse. I don't want to drop my life, and I like to plan this sort of thing. I'm already prepared to be waiting at least a year or two. Hopefully, by that time, I am graduated and have my degree. That way, I can get a decent job to pay for rent and to support myself with minimal help from him and he could be E5 by then. Though, even by then, plans could change. 

 

A family friend was telling me about the University of Phoenix, all online and she loved it. She got her degree while working and raising her two kids. I've been thinking about that, but I feel like an online pre-med degree would be difficult to get online.

 

I'm willing to move anywhere to be with him if I have my degree and can get a decent job. Right now I work at a grocery store and make little over minimum wage and I know I'm qualified for something better than that, but if I need a degree to prove it then I don't want to leave until I have my degree. If he's an E5 then he'll be able to support me for a bit until I can get a job if we move and I'm hoping we can get married- even if its just at a courthouse- by the time we can move together. I just turned twenty and I know I'm young, but in a few years I'll be ready to start a life outside of my home state. I feel like I'm just about ready now... but I know i'm not ready for it yet. 

 

I'm thankful for your advice. I don't want to discuss this sort of thing with my mother until I know exactly whats going on... and I know she'll have similar questions as what you have. It's nice to see that point of view now so I know how to see this situation, and make the right decisions. 

[Carolyn]

You are showing a lot of maturity in dealing with this. I can hardly believe how much you sound like my daughter. :} Moms walk a thin line sometimes. We don't want to scare you too much or let you think that love conquers all. It doesn't. I want to be supportive but I don't want to make the decision for her.

You are both old enough to make that decision without your parents consent. I appreciate her so much for discussing it with me. Whatever she decides, I support her because she is so young and so far, has made good decisions in tough situations.

You sound thoughtful and intelligent. You have a great plan so far. That is, asking for information, communicating with your future partner and imagining the possibilities. From all of your postings I can tell your education is important to you and I agree that you should not give it up or you'll always wonder what could have been.

I'm glad these discussions have helped you be prepared to discuss with your Mom.

[LindseyRae228]

Thank you so much. I'm glad to have this website, because it's good to know if I'm making a good decision and it's very nice to know that I'm being intelligent about this. I've watching others go off and get married and even have kids and it never works out. I love him and I want this to work for the long haul, and I've never felt this way for another person. He's my best friend and I'm glad I've found him. 

 

I don't want to push him away by moving in with him and depending on him too soon. And everyone is right- time apart will do nothing but strengthen our relationship- I just get this nagging feeling like... He makes me happy, and I want to be happy. Life is too short not to be happy. But on the other side of the coin... maybe this was meant to happen because I need to work on better relationships with my family and friends. 

 

I scare myself sometimes because my stepfather and I disagree so much that sometimes I get the urge to just leave and see how things go. Like I've said in earlier posts- I'm not happy with my living situation now. There are times when I think just leaving and never looking back would be the perfect solution. Though my rational solution is to stay. 

[Carolyn]

I'm sure your stepfather will have much respect for you when you get that degree. It will be a goal you accomplish for yourself.

Agree to disagree with love and respect. If you leave home on bad terms but have to return for some reason will you be able to? Have a good plan AND a backup plan. It increases your chances of having a successful life.

Lucky for you, you are young and time is on your side.

[J/J Mom]

Hang in there sweetie!!  ((((hugs))))