Funny sailor stories for all to share

[Arwen]

I figure we all need a laugh right now. Sharing some of the funniest things that happened to our sailors, or in relation to our sailors, seems like a good idea.

 

~~~

 

During the first Libya dust-up in 1986, my cousin Roger was stationed on an aircraft carrier that was part of the operation. My aunt Shirley was insanely worried about his safety. She was calling everyone, from senators and congressmen, even tried to call the president, to get her darling baby son out of there. It was, to her, a completely unacceptable situation. She took it a bit too far, to put it mildly. Roger caught heck for her behavior, and she settled down a bit, but still was a bit overboard.

 

In the midst of all of this was Roger's birthday. Aunt Shirley sent him a birthday card - a brand new invention with a cute little computer chip that played "Happy Birthday" when the card was opened.

 

Meanwhile, the ship was on high security. The card arrived, and when the mail was processed, they found this one envelope was just kinda wrong, somehow. An examination showed *gasp* a computer chip in the envelope. Which, they thought, could only mean one thing - a trigger mechanism.

 

They blew it up in an anti-bomb container. After the charge (meant to trigger any bomb material) went off, the entire crew on deck heard the pitiful wailing of "Happy Birthday" as the chip died.

 

Poor Roger never heard the end of it, from the crew AND from Aunt Shirley, for very different reasons.

 

~~~

 

It all started so innocently: the end of a regular A-school day (1830), and an announcement that "the following sailors will report to dental at 7:30..."  My son Chris' name was on the list.

Chris headed to chow, then to barracks. Looked at the clock and realized it was already 7:15, so he took off to Dental.

There was a fence between the main base and medical/dental, with a turnstyle for access. Chris entered the turnstile and THUD... it stopped, halfway through. Okay, he said to himself, try another door. Go back - THUD. The turnstyle is 1-way. Whomever was supposed to lock the turnstyle just turned the key, they didn't make sure it was in its locked position. Chris entered with it half open, When he entered he pushed it forward a quarter turn and it locked so it can't go forward and back, and NO ONE was around!

So Chris was stuck in the turnstile, couldn't climb over, since it is covered, bars from bottom to top. At this point he realized Dental was closed, and that his appointment was in the morning. 0730. Not 7:30 pm. And that at 7:30 pm at the dental clinic, it's empty, and it's off the beaten path. And he was trapped. And he left his cell phone at the barracks.

There was no room to sit down, just enough room to stand. And stand. And stand.

Finally, at about 2000 the regular MA patrol just happened to drive by, and saw Chris. Once the MA1 figured out what is going on, he finally managed to stop laughing long enough to call in for someone with a key to another door. Chris was then subjected to this MA1's teasing and taunting (richly deserved) for the next half-hour, until the maintenance person showed up to release the turnstile mechanism.

Chris has a bad history with doors. Now we can add turnstiles to the list of doors that have caused him grief.

 

~~~

 

Not a sailor story, but Chris was in DEP at the time this happened and it is kinda Navy related (submarines). We had moved to the tiny coastal town of Brookings, Oregon, while he was in college, he temporarily moved in with us while waiting for his entry date, so he didn't know much about our new home. What he did know is that it is boring, small, isolated, and hardly anyone even knows it exists.

 

Chris is really into engineering and mechanics, he's constantly coming up with all kinds of ideas about "extreme machines" and extreme buildings. I always figured he'd eventually go to engineering school and build something amazing.

So one day we were on our way to firefighter training (he was a volunteer firefighter) and he started talking about the concept of a submersible aircraft carrier.

Here's the conversation that followed:

Me: Been done
Chris: No, I mean a real one, that can actually launch planes
Me: Yeah, a real one, the Japanese did it in WWII
Chris: No, I mean one that they can actually launch real planes with pilots, not remote control things
Me: Yeah, the Japanese did that in WWII and had two submersible carriers that had pilots and planes and everything
Chris: No, I mean one you can actually use in a war and all that, not just an experimental thing
Me: Yeah, and they bombed Brookings (the small Oregon town where we currently live)
Chris: !?!?!?! (looks at me as if I had two heads)
Me: Yeah, and the pilot came back and presented Brookings with his 400 year old family Samurai sword in apology
Chris: Yeah, right...

(a few minutes later, walking into the firefighter meeting, to the other firefighters)

Chris: (looking for a laugh) My mom says Japan bombed Brookings using an submersible aircraft carrier
Fellow firefighters: Yeah, and....?
Chris: !?!?!?!

[jacqueline-rn]

That's my kinda family!  Eccentricity the norm and no one shy about expressing their opinion!  Also never willing to let strict accuracy get in the way of a good story.

My uncle was in the Green Beret during the '60s.  He was in Viet Nam in some remote location (at least that's what we were told, who knows for sure?) and their mail had to be dropped in by parachute.  My mother decided to brighten up his Christmas by sending him a fruitcake.  Yeah, I know, the dreaded fruitcake, but she soaked hers in brandy from Thanksgiving on which made them a little more palatable.  Except that year she didn't have any brandy so she used rum.  Well, wouldn't you know, the 'chute in that particular mail drop failed.  The guys could smell the rum even before they could see the package.  "Uh oh!" one of them said, "somebody's bottle broke."  Nope.  No bottle.  Just a flattened but fragrant fruitcake.  That'll make your days merry and bright all right!  My uncle claims that after one piece he got picked up for drinking on duty. 

See what I mean about not letting the truth get in the way of a good story?

[judy r]

Arwen, those were great I laughed until the tears flowed.

my bit of fun and typical Navy craziness is:

Youngest was on deployment and his wife and I were very involved in the FRG now this was dificult for me cause I live 600 miles away but did it anyway.  I went to Norfolk and helped one weekend to make a new thing for the bow as the old one had not been stored properly (left on ship) and had molded.  So all these wives were cutting plastic and stringing it on the line and we ere chatting and one young wife looked at me and said you must be the new man's wife I dont remember you...I said no i was a mom of one of the other sailors and we went on and chatted a bit more and she came back with you know there is a chief aboard that thinks it is his job to make sure the bullets are counted in the armory i said really she said yeah and my hubby had to stay one weekend and count the bullets and guns and all that stupid stuff...I told her that was a real  shame and I didnt know how someone could make a poor 3rd class do that....she told me she was going to talk to the Capt cause it wasnt right and that chief just didnt know what he was doing....well got to chatting a bit more and figured out that there had been a miscount on the weapons by this 3rd class and the Chief was teaching him a lesson.. yeah my son was the Chief..