Unprepared

[mum Z]

16hrs since I received that scripted phone call from my son. Unaware of the "scripted" part and or length of phone call (48 sec). I could hear stress in his voice. Also unaware of being able to have accompanied him to his recruiter meetings for preparation on what to expect after final swear in. Maybe he thought I wouldn't have been as supportive had I attended. Definitely unprepared for this journey. Never been away from my three children. My heart feels heavy. Experiencing detachment with my children becoming adults and leaving NEST that's been built with a strong foundation with walls insulated with ADT security. Now not even being able to communicate with my middle child and only son. I feel as if I'm grieving or had a loss. Emotions from PROUD, SAD, UNCERTAIN, EXCITED for his journey, and LONGING to hear him say "I'm going fishing". Never thought it would be so hard to fold his clothes, walk past his door, pick up his shoes, or not hear his car crank. Wondering if there are other navy moms who have experienced these feelings? Today only cried once and here I am writing without tissues thanks to the support from another navy mom (whose ex navy chief).  

[Raberta]

Hugs to you.  it is VERY difficult to adjust.  I cried alot.  Watch for the box, and send a letter as soon as you get the address.  Most of all keep cheering him on!  BOOT CAMP IS TOUGH on our recruits.  Yet I never flt more proud as to attend the PIR.  Be gentle with yourself, and allow those feelings to come out. 

[AveryMom]

I know how you feel.  I felt the same way.  My son, who is also my middle child, but not my only son, left for basic training July 30th.  I felt lost, sad, proud, excited for him, but also scared for him.  When I received that "Mom I'm ok, & I'll call you in three weeks" call, I felt sad!  It didn't sound like him at all.  Come to find out, he been up for HOURS and he was tired himself.  I heard another recruit tell his parents the same thing my son said.  I been on pins and needles for weeks until we finally received a call from him.  You thought I won the lottery!  LOL.  He said boot camp sucks, but that's to be expected.  He also told me he's learning so much and made friends. The letters I wrote to him helps him.  He knows boot camp is a stepping stone to where he wants to go and he keeps reminding himself that.  I worry less now, and looking forward for PIR.  I'm very proud of him because he's working hard for what he want to do, but I didn't know I would of felt all those emotions at once.  Thanks for this website, I wouldn't know what to do.  Don't worry, you're not alone.  :-)  

[Sailors mom]

MumZ,

I can tell you that you are not alone, my only child (son) as been in the Navy for 2 years and it has gotten easier but that missing emotion still gets to me still today. The day he left was on Valentines Day and it was the hardest day of my life I can relate to you as far as not being able to fold his clothes or go in his room. I am not sure as of it yet if you received the box but that was another day filled with such emotion. My heart and prayers are with you and your family and you will make it through. I felt like "What do I do now" when he left because my job was taking care of him for 18 wonderful years, but with this site and all who know what you are going through you will get through all the tears and the emotions. It is so great to hear from them after boot camp and to know you weren't going crazy you were just missing you baby.....Prayers sent your way.

[bnfriendly]

I can totally relate- I read this to my husband and he said "did you write that?" Our son is set to graduate on Oct. 11th so I have been feeling this for awhile. My son is my first and only son-I have never every been away from him except when he visited his grandparents or went to his 4 day New York Senior trip and even then he called everyday. I was lucky to have a son who enjoyed sharing his life with me, we talked all the time. He too LOVED fishing-in fact in his letters (almost every letter) we get he mentions fishing. Hang in there it is a lot like being on an emotional roller coaster one letter he is doing great-the next letter it is HELL-then the next he is going to make it. The first couple of letters where really hard because he would tell us how bad it was.  When he got his phone call-that was rough because he was so emotional being the first time he had talked to us in a while, hang in there about 1/2 through (knock on wood) you begin to hear a change in their letters-their is hope-they are doing more as my son put it enjoyable task Once they start writing it does make you feel better because you do get some type of connection to them. Some things our son has told us really helps him-write all the time-the letters from home helps-send lots and lots of stamps, so he can write us and share with the other recruits. They can get pictures so we printed them out in smaller size family oriented as part of the letter-he really likes getting them. Today was a little sad he wrote his Grammie and his littler sister a letter wishing her happy b-day I was a little sad thinking "where is my letter".  Hopefully tomorrow.

 

[mamamarch]

Mine leaves in two weeks and I am feeling exactly the same emotions.  Trying to catch every last minute of joy with him before he leaves.  But, I keep reminding myself where he is going.  He is going to be molded by the finest teachers in the world.  He is going to learn and see more things in four years than most people do in a lifetime.  He is going to interact with countrymen that he would never have had the chance to meet, and form bonds that are lifelong.  His life is going to be impacted forever by being a member of the greatest Navy in the world.  One measure of my success as a mom was simply whether I enjoyed the company of my child as they became an adult.  So, as much as I am going to miss him, in that respect I have done my job.  And like the Navy says...  they are going to give our children opportunity that we cannot even imagine.  I will be in your shoes in a few weeks and I dread that moment.  But the payoff is priceless.  Your post was a few weeks ago.  How are you doing now?

[rotorwife67]

Hi Ladies:

My son graduated from bootcamp about 9 months ago and every once in a while I come to this website to see what's going on.  I remember exactly how you feel.  I cried for days but I'm here to tell you that it does get easier.  I am including a link that explains what they will be doing day to day.  I found that it helped me by knowing what he was dealing with all the time.  The day he called me to tell me was a sailor I was holding the phone in my hand waiting for the call.  He asked how I knew that he was gonna call me today.  I told him about the website and he pretty much told me that it was right on.

He said that I knew more than he did!  

One thing he did tell me was that the letters really helped.  He said that he couldn't write much but that getting letters from home was the best thing.  Tell them the scores of their favorite football team.  Include a computer printout of something they would be interested in.  As long as its just a paper article he will get it.   Maybe even print a photo of his dog that he can see.  

The most interesting thing he told me after graduation was that it wasn't near as tough physically as he thought.  He said the mental part of not being able to talk to your friends and family and not knowing what was going on outside the walls was the hardest for him to deal with.  So keep those letters going every day if you can.

Here is the link to the website that you should look at:

http://www.navydep.com/forums/showthread.php?t=433

Keep your chin up ladies and be proud of your kids!  When you see them so proud at graduation you know it was the right thing for them!

[TJsMom SHIP 03 DIV 021]

Thank you so much for sharing! That link has helped me more then anything. I like to know things and being in the dark was very dark for me. This sheds a whole new light and gives me a much better outlook. I was freaking out and just so incredibly sad. Now I have kind of a schedule and know what he is going through. Sigh of relief.

He left Oct. 1st, which seems like yesterday and at the same time forever ago. Inside I am all knotted up and trying to get through this. After reading all through that site from the link, I am calmer. I cannot Thank you enough. That was just what I needed!

Huge virtual hug to you and my best to your sailor.

[nurseduzzi]

Dearest Unprepared

          I have felt everyone of those emotions in the last few weeks. My son left Aug 13th and I still cry some days and dream about him most nights. It's weird that I knew it would be hard and prepared my self in every way I could think of but nothing came close to the pain I felt. My poor husband had a tough life the first few weeks. I will tell you what helped. I was reading a devotional last week and it started off by saying, "Praising Jesus through the storm". This dad lost his daughter the first day of college in a MVA in Sept 2012 and in Sept 2013 was sending his daughter and now only child to college miles and miles away. I thought if this man love God enough to still praise Him, then I would have to have enough faith that he will take care of him. Our boys were called to do something wonderful and we do at least get to hold our boys again. To tell them of our pride for them. You know? I still miss him everyday but some of my hurt is going into better things now. I hope it help and I'm a few keys away if you ever need someone to just unload on.

      

[MomOfFutureAM (Ship12Div387)]

I think most of us feel unprepared in one way or another for this journey. so no worries you are not alone and no matter what OTHER (non navy mom's) tell you, you are NOT obessing about this. Use the site to find lots of support as well as helping you prepare for the next step in his journey.

[karenceubanks]

My son has now been in FIT for 4 weeks.  He is missing the running by seconds.  The last call I got was for more names for security clearance and he wasn't able to tell me much.  I know he is frustrated and feeling like he is failing.  He is 6'3" and 170 lbs.  We don't know how many times he has tested.  We do know his time has been improving.  I am just sick for him.  Being separated from him during bootcamp was nothing compared to the heart ache we are feeling for this kid.  He passed every other test they gave him at the top of his class.  Missing just the running by seconds and it has kept him there for 4 weeks.  We are all praying for him.  I am hoping for a call.  He has wanted to be in the Navy since he was 14.  We just can't believe this long legged kid is in this position.  Tell you recruits to tak the PT they are given and run any chance they get. The Navy doesn't run them as a normal course, which I find so strange.  The Army and Marines have them double timing it to every event.  The Navy walks and them has them pass a running test at the end.  I am just hoping to hear he finally passed and can move on.  I am just agonizing for him.  

[mickeyd]

mum Z, your emotions are as normal as breathing. Sometimes it just gets hard to breath when we miss our child so much. I also had these same emotions. When I got that scripted phone call late in the night I thought we had been cut off. Fifteen seconds...how could that be it. I waited for the phone to ring again but it didn't. My son and only child has been in a year this coming Oct 25. Now he is stationed in Japan. I get to talk or Tango (app) with him pretty often when his ship is not underway. But there are still times when all I want to do is get a huge hug from him and have one of our amazing conversations about anything and everything. He will be in Japan two years. Hopefully with some leave next year to come home. I had the same feeling about his room and his things. I did nothing to it until it was time for him to come home after BC graduation. (They had Christmas stand down right after his graduation.) I would open his door and just toss something into the room. After he left for Japan I did not touch it for months. My sailor finally told me "mom it is okay to make my bed. It is not a shrine and I am not dead." So I did. I still have not done the few pieces of laundry in his room he left. Weird, I know. I journaled everyday on my Ipad that he was in BC and now I love going back and reading the emotional rollercoaster that it was. Some days just say praying, nothing else. But I love reading more about the day of his PIR and how very special that day was. Just wait and hang in there. It is so worth all these emotions when you get to see that beautiful, smiling face on graduation day. Welcome new soon to be full fledged Navy Moms! It is our journey as well. Hoorah!

[Derek's Mom]

I know exactly how you feel, my middle son left on 9-9-13, he has never been away from me he has only spent the night with his cousin and it was for 2 nights at the most and when he was gone I would talk to him at least 2 or 3 times a day. I cried for a week before he left and the whole week after and still some days now. We just have to keep thinking this won't be much longer and we will get to see them at PIR and talk to them on the phone.  Chris (proud navy mom)