One year...

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Dear N4M,

 

Tomorrow will be mine and my husbands One year wedding anniversary. And I must say, with this deployment hardly finished with the first quarter...I am a little discouraged. The past few weeks have been rough, yet eye opening. I have ver few friends at this duty station and have lost contact with some and had falling outs with others. Lately I have been feeling very alone which has caused me to do a bit of soul searching. I guess my confidence was a little shot when a friend told me she no longer wanted my company for no apparent reason. I gotta say, that hurt a little. And with that, bills, deployment and our approching wedding anniversary, I truly have been overwhelmed with it all. Tonight, as I sit and stare at my phone, praying for a call, praying that he calls to say "happy anniversary" I cannot help but to dwell on the negative emotions that this deployment has brought. I feel so robbed of my marriage. I feel so robbed of memories and the beauty of romance. This is a time I will never get back, I will never have a One Year Wedding Anniversary again...and I know what you are thinking..."Well...this is what we signed up for", "That is the Navy life...", "You knew what you were getting into", "You have your whole life ahead of you." Well guess what, it doesn't take the pain away. Ya know? I know we all mean well when we say those things to eachother and we try our hardest to support one another with kind words and steaming piles of encouragement...But sometimes...somedays...You just can't get past the dark side of the truth. Because even though all of those things are the truth, that this is not forever, and we signed up for it...the other side of the truth is that we are still being robbed of time. Even though it might be self inflicted...it still hurts. It is like when you know your curling iron is hot, but you touch it anyways to see how hot it is...and then you get burned even though you KNEW it was going to be hot you are still mad that you got hurt...I KNEW this was going to suck, and I did it anyways, and now I am upset. But really, how much room do we have to complain about something that was self inflicted? I supposed that if we choose something, knowing there could be a negative outcome, we can't really complain... Anyways, I am so off on a tangent right now...Back to the point...

 

The point is this: Tomorrow I will be married to a really awesome guy for an entire year. 365 days of love. And even though, half of this time we have been apart. And it would be REALLY easy to blame it all on the Navy. I can't. I honestly cannot blame the SOLE reason why we were able to be married in the first place. Without the Navy...my husband would have no way to provide for us, we would both still be living at home, still boyfriend and girlfriend...So I suppose...It is true, that with sacrifice, comes benefit...And though at times, we may feel robbed, cheated and shot down by the Navy life, we also have benefitted grately from it.  I believe that everything is connected, for every action there is a reaction, and when I see how the pieces of my life have come together, and if ONE thing were different things wouldnt be the same, I am pretty amazed by how fate works. So next time, when we are stomping our feet about how the Navy takes away, remember what it has given you. For mothers, It has given you an honorable, caring, thoughtful son or daughter, for Wives, it has given us stability, strength and apprication of our marriage, for girlfriends and fiances, it has given you the patients, compassion and understanding you will need to carry on into your marriage with your future sailor.  So tomorrow, when I wake up alone, I don't think I will be sad, or upset or feel robbed or cheated. I will be grateful that I was given the opportunity to make it this far. To be married, to have a husband...to be loved. Life has the oddest ways of bringing us love.

Love your sailors tonight, and be thankful for all the things the Navy has brought us...Even if it has taken away some too.

 

Honor, Courage, Commitment.

 

Love Always.

Rachelle

[BunkerQB]

You have described the "you love it but you hate it" dichotomy that exist for the wives/fiancees/gfs. Last year Quiltlady and I put together a Retreat for Young Wives/Fiancees/GFs in Northern CA - we were bowled over by the resourcefulness and resiliency of these young women. They were all taking classes, some working, some working and taking classes. I know a few of them have started families. I thought to myself - our country is in good hands. These gals didn't feel sorry for themselves - they weighed the pros and cons of having a LO in the military, made peace with it and ran with it.

It appears that you are moving in the right direction. The next step is to have a plan for your education and your own development. I know you may be called upon to move at a moment's notice and will have to restart occasionally but with community colleges and regular state colleges across the US, you can do it. If you have a college degree already, then consider getting a job. There is nothing like have your own money. There is nothing wrong with being driven to succeed for yourself - ambition has its own rewards.

Above all, enjoy your time together as a young couple. Stay positive. Drop negative, toxic people around you - that includes family members. A problem with social networking is that people spend more time talking about what they want to accomplish than actually doing it. Avoid that trap.

judy r has said it well. Good luck. BQB

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

Thanks Judy and BQB. I love all the encouragment. BQB: I am a licencsed cosmetologist and I have been doing hair for 5 years. I work full time a salon. I have my AA and I am going back to school next semester to get my BS in Communications with a minor in Journalism. :)

[navy25]

Dear Bella, Stay Strong there is not much that I can add that the other ladies didnt already said but it sounds like you are a strong young lady and her feet firm on the ground and remember that the love you both share eventhought you are apart for now you both  will overcome the distance share the memories of the phonecalls,texts and letters maybe in writting in a Journal it sounds like you are a writer and for Me writting always helps Navy Life is Tough but remember God is always with you and your Sailor and I'll keep you both in my Prayers for Unity and that soon youll be able to be together just keep reminding yourself of the Future ahead of you both and we all make sacrifices for the ones we trully love.You are Strong and I know You will Succeed not just in your personal Life but in your Marriage.My Blessings to both

P.S. I can see Journalism your letter was beautifully written and touching