Navy Moms dealing with Navy Dads

[Jennifer G]

So far I all I seen is tough, badass moms out there that can handle almost anything.

Can anyone out there help or advise a Navy Mom who is not only dealing with the whirlwind of a Navy Nuke about to leave for BC, but a husband who doesn't seem to be handling it well.

David is becoming reclusive and agitated.  (That the Navy Dad) Christopher leaves 3/12/12. (that's the Nuke) Is it easier for men to alienate themselves in order to deal with their son leaving?  

Is it a defense mechanism to keep them from feeling helpless or sad that their boy is leaving the nest?

I think David is torn.  We are VERY proud of Christopher.  But I think David envies the fact that Christopher is at the beginning of his life with such a wonderful opportunity and Dave is 50, sick and on medical leave.

I just want to support them both without falling apart myself.

Can anyone out there associate with what I am going through??

[Craig]

Jennifer - Have him go look at a website called NavyDads.com   

They are a support group for Navy Dads going through the same thing.  Your husband is no

different.  He probably just doesn't know that it exist.   

http://www.navydads.com/

[Jennifer G]

Thank you!

[TN Navy Mom (Stennis Nuke Mom)]

Jennifer, my hubby was what I called "aloof" about the whole leaving for bootcamp thing.  He got down, and grumpy and just generally hell to live with.  We had to get through my sailors wedding 1 month before he left and that kept me extrememly busy for about 3 months (had to play mother of bride and groom).  He was cranky about that too, but it was a lifesaver for me.

 

When he left for bootcamp, hubby was horrible!!!  The day he left, hubby was a monster and would go hide in another room so I wouldn't see his tears (come on, we all know that men can cry too) and crying made him angry.  I would cry and he would just look at me like I was a nut.  I think that men just do NOT know how to handle those feelings.  Moms are often focusing on the practical stuff (pack enough underwear? got your toothbrush? phone card? cell phone? Bible? stamps?) that dads are just left feeling the pure raw emotion.

 

We are 2 years into the navy life now and hubby still gets peeved that our sailor calls my cell # and talks to me first then I hand the phone to him.  As a matter of fact, I told our son (in a text) about dad asking why he only called my number so sailor called his dad's cell # on Monday evening and they talked for about an hour and that man would NOT tell me ANYTHING they talked about even though he quizzes me whenever I have a conversation with him.  ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!  See you are NOT alone.

[BunkerQB]

OUR POOR LITTLE SITE.

We do our very best to offer advice and guidance not just soft shoulders and crying towels. Here are some of the no-nonsense Forum Discussions available for all who are here looking just for info. LOL. For moms and dads who are here looking for emotional support, there is something here for everyone. A group of us really do our very best to be informative. We too are just a volunteered group. I have devoted a lot of time to organizing, writing (with deep apologies for my lousy writing) and providing information. I am most proud when I have help another member feel less alone, a part of a family and supported.

Here is a guide, sort of primer for a brand new newbie. I am indebted to Craig and scores scores of N4Ms (like Angie, AntiM, Lemonelephant, Abbyblue, Lady Hamilton, Denise, etc.) who have contributed countless hours finding links and other resources. Since it was published on January 10, 2012 it has been view 5700+ times.

Survival Guide for Navy For Moms Newbies

Here are other Forum Discussions with lists of various groups. "Groups: Listed by PIR Date" has been viewed over 40,000 times since the January 2011 publication date.

GROUPS: Listed By PIR Date thru APRIL 27, 2012 (Pass In Review, ie ...

GROUPS: Listed By Name of US Naval Ships (actual US Naval vessels i...

GROUPS: Listed By Navy Job (Ratings)

GROUPS: GEOGRAPHICAL BY STATE.

GROUPS: Listed by Special Interest

YOUR PROFILE SETTINGS - How To Change Your Username (Screen Name), ...

Uploading A Photo & Adding A Hyperlink.

PRIVATE MESSAGING, POSTING COMMENTS & EMAIL NOTIFICATIONS

A FEW "HOW TO" AND "DON'T FORGETS"

and here are some BLOGS I have posted

COMPUTER TIPS FOR N4M NEW MEMBERS

PIR GROUPS TO APR 27, 2012 - Sample of Boot Camp Form Letter

Keeping Your Emotions In Check.

Reading List For Navy Wives, Fiancees and Girlfriends

ALL ABOUT MAILING & SHIPPING

Add Some Music ......... Relax.

WE WILL NEVER FORGET.

WELCOME NEW MOMS, PLEASE TAKE SOME TIME & LEARN TO USE THIS SITE.

Welcome New Members.

PIR: Places To Stay & Link To "PIR DEBRIEFING" - a very useful ...

A PRAYER FOR US DARKHORSE.

Deleting Your Profile deletes ALL your blogs, discussions, comments...

Computer tip for those with poor eye sight.

Special Meet & Greet for Young Wives, Fiancees and Girlfriends ...

BOOTCAMP LINKS.

We the People of the United States

DO NOT CLICK ON THE TITLE "Flight Pro Sim Review - Best Flight Simu...

Anyone Else Having Problems With This Site?

You Are Invited .. if you are in Northern California in December.

RUTHIE IS A SELF PROMOTER. WHY BOTHER CLICKING ON ANY OF HER SITES....

Controlling the size of your photos.

Additionally, if you are in a hurry, depending on who are in CHAT - there are many who will stop whatever conversations that are going on and post a link or suggestions as to where to find the link. Furthermore, there is a group of ladies who are God-send for new members whose child is starting Boot Camp - these ladies take the members from the beginning to the end.  They there day in and day out. You'll find FIreTeamLeaderWife, diannep, lalaribbon, JessicaB and others in the Boot Camp Moms group, NavyMEPS -Dep group and all the PIR groups.

Sincerely yours,

Bunker QB

[BunkerQB]

My sincere apologies for failing to include many other members. I posted the last comment in a hurry. I am a little hot under the collar at the moment. NavyDadJim's comment hit a nerve. But it is all good. NavyDadJim, please feel free to use any of the information we have gathered. We encourage input from the NavyDads and  BTW, we welcome you to Navy For Moms. Please stay and join the fun.

I am in a hurry because 30 of us are getting together for a little meet and greet - the sort of thing women do for support - of course, the dads are all welcomed to come - they can even pretend that they are there solely for the purpose of providing safe transportation for their emotional wives who couldn't drive and talk on the cell at the same time.  Oops, that is against the law.

[Denise-- Seabee Mom]

hahaha.. Bunker maybe you shouldn't post when in a hurry. Jim has been here for awhile now. He site is wonderful and some post are put together been then here. Keep in mind I said some..lol

[BunkerQB]

Hallelujah. I don't recall ever seeing a post from the esteemed NavyDadJim. My eye sight is so bad, I must be overlooking entire pages of stuff. Again, my apologies. I have never criticized the NavyDads site. LOL.

[Denise-- Seabee Mom]

DAmn I needed spell check.hahahahaha

[mom-Inlaw2-JoyMP]

HELLO,MY NAME IS Rebecca I dont know if I would qualify as a navy mom since its My Son,s wife who recently Joined,her PIR is 3/16-2012 and I feel like she is my daughter because ,when my son was deployed with the Nat.Guard to Iraq I was babysitting my granchild for them to help out on their financial problems,I was living in the home for 3 years but,before his wife left and after he got back ,he never went for his last psyc exam for PTSD and all the while he had been drinking,and me being raised in an abusive home,I seen the signs,My dad was USAF retired and he would get drunk and beat my mom ,and when she wasnt there he would come after us kids, I was the only girl of 8 and 3rd oldest,so we would go hide,,well for him to pick up the granbaby by her hair,at 3 just because she wouldnt give her crying cousin what he wanted,and when she goes to his house its the same thing she cant play with his toys but if she dont let him have hers he screams,and the parents give him what he wants to shut him up,,well it carried over to my daughter in law coming home late from work,and because she didnt answer her phone when he called,as soon as she got in the door he asked where is your phone, so she goes and gets it and before she has a chance to say anything or even check to see if she missed any calls he hits her hands and knocks the phone in the floor busting it to pieces,now he has warned me to stay out of their arguments ,,but when should a parent or in law step in? when its already to late,and I lived with him longer than she has ,before they got married I know how violent he can be and trust me when I say this ,I fear for her,even if he is my son,But See because of the abuse I grew up with I vowed I would never treat my children as I was treated,,meaning if you feel he should have a spanking,,well he wasnt getn one from me,,I sat them down and talked to them and got tears from him by what I told him would happen if he didnt stop,and think before he took action on someone...well that was Aug of 2011,,She left for PIR in Jan 24th and due to graduate,on the 16th,,I have been following all I can,but still cry because we got so close while he was gone to Iraq,And since he has been back he has been so mean,,I dont get no phone calls to see how I am,No cards or letters,And even the Holidays was a killer,all alone here and its Like I had my kids to hopefully love me back ,where did I go wrong,I dont have the Joy I once had,I cant go no where for lack of transportation,And to say I wasnt a mom because I was always working,is Just not right,,Sometimes I was working 2 jobs,But to be cast out of my own family I feel I have nothing left,All I do is sit here and wait..for something that will never happen ,,I live alone,,and I just dont have the will in me to even care about myself..as always im trying to help others on the internet when I can,but my disability only goes so far..but for them to not even call,,,I just cant figure out how your own flesh n blood could be so heartless and cold over me trying to protect a child and break the chain of violence in our family...with Love & Rerspect to all Service Members...Rebecca

[Jennifer G]

OK - Navy Daddy-O has elevated to the status of SUper Jerk. (I have other names, but lets just leave it to your imagination...)

He is volatile and angry.  Please tell me this will pass!?!?!

[Jennifer G]

For him or me!?

I'm already on Lexapro and he's on Effexor.

Christopher has only been gone a week and I was hoping this was Dave's MAN-way of dealing with it.  You know... if he is angry all the time he can't be sad.

But it is wearing down my nerves.

[Concernedad]

Geez! I so hate it when I hear that medication is the first choice. I'd suggest you and your husband attend counseling. Seems more like an issue in need of discussion and counseling than a pill to quiet the problem.How does an issue ever get solved if it's just subdued, but never aired?