WHen is the BEST TIME to get married so we can live together?

[Advice Forum]

My bf and I are going to be engaged before bootcamp, but he wants me to be able to go with him wherever he goes after graduation.  Should we get married after boot camp and before A-School (which is in FL.) Also, does he really need permission to get married? What steps need to be taken to ensure we tie the know without doing anything "NAVY wrong"?

[Mary, Proud Mom of Nick]

If you get married after boot camp, his orders will not allow for you to move with him to A school under his orders so the move would be at your own expense. There are only a few A schools that allow families to move there while attending A school. What rate is he going into?

[Kelly80]

 he is going in as an E-3

[Anti M]

If you marry before boot camp, that changes his status and the recruiter has a bunch of paperwork to do. So he must talk to his recruiter. This is the only way you would be eligible for a Navy move to his A school location (based on length of school, short schools do not authorize a dependent move).

They are not supposed to marry on boot camp graduation weekend, and indeed, the timing doesn't always allow it. This is not the best plan.

A schools are different lengths, so yes, we'd need to know his rate (job) before anyone could give good advice. I do know that you must marry about four weeks before he completes school, before he receives his verbal orders, to be included on the orders (accompanied tour). You might have to go to where he is and do a courthouse wedding. He must inform the Navy of his plans to marry in writing via a special request chit. It is unlikely he could take leave in order to fly home to marry. There may be required steps at his school such as counseling.

[Kelly80]

ah...i thought you meant rank, then i reread, and i don't know the exact title of his job, all that i know is he is doing something with the controls.

[Anti M]

Find out, because you will want to join the group related to his job. It will be a couple letters. I was an ET, which is Electronics Technician. There's FC (fire control, shoots the missiles) and DC (damage control). Ask him, his new Navy career will make you an expert too. AECF is a program which trains the ET and FC rates. Perhaps that one?

[Anti M]

Most likely.   I do know someone who waited until Christmas stand down to marry when graduation was in March, and they missed out on being on the orders.  Early on is better from that angle.  Four weeks prior is usually sufficient, but not when orders are issued early.

Don't rush the marriage just for orders, nothing wrong with a long engagement.

[TN Navy Mom (Stennis Nuke Mom)]

My son and DIL married exactly 1 month before he left for bootcamp. It wasn't easy BUT we put together a church wedding in a short time. It was simple but sweet and he had cleared everything through his recruiter's office before the wedding and then she had to go with him to the recruiter's the week after the wedding with the paperwork for changing her social, present her driver license with her new name, her birth certificate, etc..

It was a lot of rushing around BUT she is now with him in Goose Creek and has been since a week after he got there. She stayed with us while he was in BC.

[Kelly80]

 Thank you all! I really just got hit with the realization that 4 the next 4 years, at least, he nor i will have say over our lives. at first 8 weeks didnt seem likd a long time but now it feels like forever. . .i keep telling myself its gonna be worth it

[cheffiona]

My daughter is getting married next week in the Chapel at Great Lakes she is in A school there right now. She graduation 8.6.10 her boyfriend has since joined the navy himself and will be going to bc in feb 2011. He is flying to gl tonight and they intend to get license and she has got all the paperwork done, chits for this and chits for that and just has to see the Chaplain on monday he will be staying at the navy lodge is it gateway which is right on or near the base and she has a chit so that she can stay with him at the hotel for the next week she just has to be back to muster. Hopefully when she gets her orders in october and will be home for 2 weeks they will both go to her new base together! Although i understand that she cannot put in for navy housing until after the wedding.

[Arwen]

If they're both in the Navy things get a little more complicated. Unless they have kids, the Navy probably will not give them housing together. Once he's in the Navy he won't be a "dependent" anymore. No dependent, no housing.

This happened to my husband and I. We were on the same base. His submarine and my ship were often on the same pier, but we had to pay for an apartment out of our own pockets. Our marriage was more like dating until we bit the bullet and used our paychecks to get a tiny off-base apartment.

[Anti M]

I thought they changed that a few years ago, that dual military now each receive BAH if they are both junior sailors (below E-5) on sea duty. My husband and I both received joint BAH (actually OHA) as senior sailors on shore duty overseas.


http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/navypay/a/navybah.htm

[bella [mrs. ae2]]

TAKE IT FROM ME!!!

If my and my husband could do it all over again, GET MARRIED NOW! Even if it is just a courthouse wedding and do the real thing later. Yeah his recruiter will have to do more paperwork. But it saves ALOT more paperwork and headache for you! Just go get married and tell the recruiter. We got engaged right after bootcamp and you wont have time to get married as he doesnt come home after bootcamp. If he is going to Pensacola Florida, which is where my husband is, it was really hard for us to plan our wedding because they are fast tracking everyone and no one had time to come home and we had to wait till there was a 4 day weekend because most county clerks offices (where you retain your marriage license) are not open on weekends. If you want to be on his orders and get your BAH right away you should get married now.