Comment

Comment by Paula (was Capricorna) on August 18, 2011 at 2:16pm

Lovemynavyson - No!!!  No sarcasm - I'm serious.  You sound like a lot of fun and a great mom.  I so wish more parents took their parenting job seriously.  It's what's going wrong in our society (that, and many people shouldn't be allowed to have kids!)

 

My best friend has a plaque in her kitchen that reads:  Raising children is like being pecked to death by a chicken.

 

Hang in there and keep up the good job - your efforts will not be wasted.

Comment by Lovemynavyson (Ship02/DIV933) on August 18, 2011 at 1:58pm

Paula - LOL! I sense a little sarcasm! BC approach....hehehhehe...'tear um down and build them up'..Okay, no seriously - It really is NOT as bad as it sounds.

I'll have all the young ladies and gents scorming at the though of 'chatting' with me ; )- Keep em on their toes!!! Hahahha...It's all cool seriously, though.

Oh believe me, some times I just want to thrown in the towel with my daugther too and say forget it what's the use, but I want NO regrets with my kids (in how I raised them). My mom was somewhat indifferent when I was a teen-ager and sometimes I ask myself, "What was my mom thinking when....?' She was a great mom and did the best she could raising us kids, but sometimes I think she needed to put the 'clap' on more - We weren't allow to do whatever we wanted, though, she was pretty layed back, but sometimes I wonder about other things!!!

My husband and I were HS sweethearts, I was 16 and he was almost 18 with a 2 month old son when we started dating! I always wondered why my mom never really mentioned it or talked to me about it (she knew as I shared it with her)....I don't know if it was the fact that she had kids and remarried or what....but we're not talking about supposedly mature adults - we're talking an innocent 16 yr. old ---

I'm happy to report tby the grace of God hat we have a good relationship as a couple and with Justin, but he was NOT a part of our lives until he was 25 (he is almost 28). Makes me sad all the years that my four kids didn't have with him and his dad....My husband has four grandchildren by Justin who have pretty much been in our lives (their mom visited with us even when Justin didn't). I don't want this for our four children....so, we talk to them as openly and as honestly as possible -- And more so any young man that comes around. Hormones are running high in these teen years and on...and we all know that even if someone doesn't want to be in a long term relationship under the 'right' circumstances things happen that may have not be wanted...AND then 'they are stuck like glue' all rational seems to go out the window and the brain goes to 'mush'- :( ....

W can't control them but we sure can help steer them and help them make wise life long decisions. Because every decision made today will effect their future tomorrow and years to come!

Yes, we all survive, but sadly enough many kids and adults alike today are having serouios copping issues resorting to all kinds of destructive behavior because of the pain suffered in childhood and broken dreams and relationships. My heart goes out to them

Comment by Paula (was Capricorna) on August 18, 2011 at 12:41pm

Wow Lovemynavyson!  I'd love to be stuck in a car with you for 9.5 hours - not a dull moment there!  I'd love to be your daughter too (but I'm too old).  I was the youngest of 4 daughters so by the time I was a teenager, my parents were worn out and just threw up their hands.  I did whatever I wanted and had no warnings or rules.  I still can't believe I survived!

Comment by Lovemynavyson (Ship02/DIV933) on August 18, 2011 at 11:02am

Paula - that is a funny comment about the IPOD earplugs..so typical of most in the younger generationg...most don't know how to socialize-- Not like our young ladies on here!

Yeah, akward no doubt...but though family history might be embarrassing for various reasons (what's happened has happened and not changing it...its a fact of their past good or bad) -

Jess, I'm sorry to hear this...I'm a child of two divorces/three marriages by my mom). Let me tell you, it was horrible as a child trying to explain 'step' brother and what not in the 70s--I don't think I had any friends or knew anyone else that came from a divorced family!

Honestly, I want to know more, so about the history of the guy or gal my child is interested in (though family is important too)!! they could be future inlaws someday...It's benefical to be upfront with NO surprises later. I have an 18 yr.old daughter that is really good friends with a 20 yr. old. They have been friends for almost a year but no 'offical' steady dating. I have to tell you, when my husband and I first heard she was talking to him, we were concerned and for good reason...by that point he was 19 and had a 'history' and NOT a good one. But, my daughter chose to follow mom and dad's lead in treating ALL people with common decency and talking to those who most would rather avoid. He had NO friends because of his reputation, but as my older daughter said, 'someone needs to give him a chance and befriend him' She is 23 and worked with him two years ago at a grocery store, that is how the 18 yr. meet him. He is a very nice boy and we invited him over to talk with him after my husbands inital converstation (about his past)..It really broke the ice and set a wonderfu tone for our relationship. Everything was in the open and we made him feel comfortable (not about his past, but excepting him as a person willing to give him a chance). We have boundaries that our 18 yr. old must follow regarding the relationship and she is okay with it. She knows it is for her good and we don't want rebellion to kick in (as most parents would say, "i can't believe you let her talk to him/see him).  Anyway, he understanding his past, he knows how most feel, so he respects our willingness to allow this friendship and wants to 'prove' himself and we give them both opportunity to do this. We like him allot, but we are NOT ready for a 'dating' relationship (nor is she). He comes to the house and his parents pick my daughter up and they spend family time together, which is SO SO important for what could be any -possible  future dating relationship (every first date could be a potential spouse - so guys and gals MUST choose wisely)..I'm glad my daughter and he are taking time to know each other before jumping into an emotional relationship prematurely, which could lead to premature sex with devastating consquences -

Proud Sailor Mom - Anyway, for what it is worth..however, 'suggest, 'Get a feel' for things and go from there. Of course, I'm NOT suggesting jumping right into UNKNOWNS and expect them to spill all their intimate past personal/family history...but I'm telling you it made a world of difference being able to talk to 'M' about his past. I'm glad my daughter and 'M' don't feel the need to hid his past...How awful for someone to have a past not sharing it for fear of what other will think and how they would treat him over a though of the relationship not going anywer or not being serious to have to later have to have it come in the open, but be so terribly afraid more so now then at the beginning becasue they are serious about the relationship-- Hope that makes sense...

Oh, the first time 'M' came to our house, we asked our daughter to leave for a bit while we talked to him. We were up front and direct (alittle uncomfortable for him - YES)..but we wanted to know his intention regarding our very impressional 18 yr. old...I'M SORRY, well NO I'm not---We've invested years into our daughters lives, not to have some young man come along and 'steal' her heart and emotions' devasting her future hopes and dreams of 'happily ever after' before she ever had a chance. There will NEVER be a happily ever after if things progress prematurely...MOM's and young ladies - Many of you have had your hearts and emotions 'stolen' by the LOVE of your LIFE...you understand what I'm talking about -

Sorry, I know this converstation went in a TOTAL other direction...So who knows who it might benefit???

Comment by jpgcharity on August 17, 2011 at 11:33am

Also, I know it may be hard, but definitely don't sit there and brag about him the entire time. That will make it awkward and besides she is dating him so she likely already knows how wonderful and amazing he is.

Comment by jpgcharity on August 17, 2011 at 11:31am

I wasn't saying the whole 9.5 hours lol I'd have to agree, that would get really awkward. Just use one or two funny, lighthearted stories to break the ice and hopefully get her to start talking, whether it's questions or comments. Definitely don't go into family history, just cute stories about your sailor as an infant or kid, the kind your willing to tell to anyone who brings up the subject, nothing heavy or personal. Hopefully this gets her to start talking and if you listen to her and give her chances to respond you'll be able to find something else to talk to her about. You may end up like my mom and bf who had no problems talking about me for the entire ride or you may end up being able to segway into one of Jessica's conversation starters. I'm just saying that one of the easiest things to bring up (if you haven't already found something else to talk about based on what she's wearing or what she's brought to keep her entertained) is your sailor since you know for sure you both have him in common :)

Comment by Paula (was Capricorna) on August 17, 2011 at 11:27am

JessicaB - you give good advice too.  I think Sharon will have to play it by ear and let the conversation just happen.  I'm sure she will show interest without making it sound like an interrogation.

Comment by Paula (was Capricorna) on August 17, 2011 at 11:19am

Jpgcharity:  Good advice!

Comment by JessicaB-Sailor's Sweetheart<3 on August 17, 2011 at 11:17am

I would probably actually say avoid talking about your sailor the whole time, for a bit yeah, but for a 9.5 hour drive that could get a tad weird. I know when I go to Grant's dad's house and we talk about grant for more than just a few minutes it gets kind of weird. Also I would say don't go into family history, I know for me I can't stand when people do that, my parents are divorced and the conversation generally gets too awkward and uncomfortable really quickly. So I'd say avoid that unless you know a bit of background info starting out.

I would say that things like shopping, recent events, maybe some sports, travel, hobbies, school and things like that would work well. They are nice cool calm subjects that would be pretty easy to get a conversation with. 

Comment by jpgcharity on August 17, 2011 at 10:58am

Sharon-Proud Sailor Mom:  I would talk about your sailor. My mom once had to drive alone with my bf for about 7 hours and they had met but weren't as close as they are now. They both spent the entire time talking about me. She would tell him a little bit about how I was as a baby and he would talk about how I was "no different now" (all in a joking manner of course). You don't have to share the most embarrassing stories or anything but you two both have one major person in common and I'm sure she'd be interested in hearing about him from his family (I would hope). Also telling your stories about your sailor may prompt her to tell you her stories about him which may serve as a stealthy way of "interrogating" her without making her feel interrogated :). Once you get her comfortable talking you may find something else to talk about but starting with your sailor may be an easy way to break the ice :)

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