WHen is the BEST TIME to get married so we can live together?

[Advice Forum]

My bf and I are going to be engaged before bootcamp, but he wants me to be able to go with him wherever he goes after graduation.  Should we get married after boot camp and before A-School (which is in FL.) Also, does he really need permission to get married? What steps need to be taken to ensure we tie the know without doing anything "NAVY wrong"?

[Kelly80]

They never get to come home for a bit after boot camp, and before A-school?

[Arwen]

Sometimes they only get 15 minutes after PIR and go straight to the airport., sometimes they get one day of liberty before they go to the airport, it depends on what flight they're assigned to. But most sailors are not grad-and-go.

Recruits who PIR the week before Christmas are sometimes allowed leave before they start school because the schools are closed for the holiday, but if they do and they're attending a short school (14 weeks is the most common length of school) they may not be allowed to take leave after A school.

If you think about it, it's silly to let them go home immediately. They've only been gone from home for two months, and many (most?) get to see their families for PIR weekend. The Navy has only just begun their training, why let them go home and forget half of what they learned immediately?

Also both families and sailors need to get used to the idea of long separations. Most sailors go to sea for 2-8 months at a time every year. Starting with 8-9 weeks in training, then going home, creates unrealistic expectations.

[Mrs. KJM]

NEVER. Maybe for a weekend but that's rare, and by that point he would have to get permission and if it's more than 300 miles they might not let him go. Our recruiter lied to us and told us he would come home after boot and before A school, which is why we had to end up scrapping our wedding.

[Arwen]

Not never. Recruits who graduate the week before Christmas may get leave after boot camp and before A-school. But since there is only one such PIRs each year (Christmas week is the only one without a PIR) the vast majority of recruits never get this chance.

[gddz]

 my fiance just got to A school saturday it is now thursday he graduated bootcamp the friday before he arrived at school ..we want to be married before he recieves his orders but he has no clue who to notify and how he can get off baseto do it he knows he has to fill out a chit  but will they actually give him the weekday off?? how late is too late for the orders to come out  ..if you know and how long does it take for them usually to get you up there with BAH. IF YOU COULD HELP THAT WOULD BE GREAT WE HAVE BEEN TRYING DESPERATLY to do this so i could go with him when he gets his first orders and have been together for 6 yrs... thank you

 

[Hollybear]

Yes you can need permission to get married. It depends on the command he is assigned to. Honestly... The best time to get married would be now. That way you can be on his page 2 from the get go you will get separation pay, and you will be moved where ever he is sent. We got married by a JOP the week before he left and then went to see the recruiter and they were not thrilled but got us all the paperwork we needed to have filled out. It wasn't a big wedding, but that was not important to us. I hope that this helped some.

[Gulf Coast Mom]

Nope. In fact if he is grad and go, he may not even have the weekend.

[Gulf Coast Mom]

Nope. In fact if he is grad and go, he may not even have the weekend.

[Mrs. KJM]

We married a week before he left for boot, our wedding was scheduled for after bootcamp and we had to scrap it. Tying the knot before he left saved us from a lot of grief. They had to redo some paperwork, we both had to sign some things, but it was a really good insurance policy.

[AKMom]

The best time to get married is after you are E-4 and have an adequate amount of disposal cash. Too after one is settled in their first command. As we well know BC and A school does not define the world of the military nor the Navy. Furthermore, there is much to lean and exspected of you those first few years. I can speak from experince, it is not best to rush anything for I did and year later we finally were able to be together and my thoughts were who is this guy and did I do the right thing. I was 25 No it did not work out but I was blessed with two boys. Have been single for the past 17 yrs and it not a piece of cake raising kids in the DoD world. Those who are marring need to realize when they say I do they are not just marring thier spouse but they are marring the military and must adhear to the rules and regs like their spouse. When both are in the military it is lot easier for more reasons than one; however, ifone does get out it is usually the one who has the higher rank.

[Kelly80]

How long was you ex in the Navy before you realized it wouldn't work?

[TRat829]

First off, When is he leaving for bootcamp? Secondly you do need to discuss it with his recruiter but odds are they are going to tell you to "wait" so that they don't have to do the paperwork. As bad as it sounds, this is more often than not the case. From this point on he has to go thru them to get any permission, however if he has not gone to bootcamp yet the ball in still in your court. If you wait, then you have to go to navy "marriage classes" and counseling. Adam and I got married in the courts 4 months before he left for bootcamp so that the paper work would be approved and we would begin to get BAH while he was in BC. We then had a ceremony 1 month before he left for BC. He is an IT and went to pensacola for A school. his schooling was not long enough for us to get BAH for FL but I got an apartment right outside the base.(Corry station) Once he had clearance to leave and stay off base over night he lived in the apartment with me. So its all a matter of how you want things to work out.