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Comment by vettespace on June 10, 2011 at 7:58pm

Hi Karen, my son is with the 3/2 Marines in Helmand Province.  He's a corpsman for a squad that does foot patrols every day thru remote villages and areas.  It's been interesting to say the least!  Don't SeaBees get involved in engineering/construction projects?  So, maybe your son is building roads or helping to set up new bases.  Don't hesitate to ask any questions...

Comment by TexasDocMom on June 10, 2011 at 5:52pm

Karen, this has been an emotional few days here, but that's what we're here for, to validate all of the feelings and the fear that moms and dads have when a child is in a war zone.

We have to remember that our kids are very well trained, that they serve with others that are well trained, and that, thankfully, not all have jobs that lead them out to be in danger zones every day in Afghan or Iraq. Corpsmen serving greenside serve as Marines as well as Docs, and that double duty can be overwhelming to those waiting at home. There are no unimportant jobs in the military, and in these war zones, there can be no total safety. We can just pray, stick together, and share our fears and our stories and wait. Then will come those days when all this board is about is HOMECOMING!!! pure joy!!

Some days around this board are downright hysterical...as in funny....but we're all in it together!

Comment by vettespace on June 10, 2011 at 5:51pm

I was able to talk to my son yesterday morning for about 45 min. and it was GREAT!  Every day I look for an email or maybe a FB post he's made, any sign of life.  They're in such a harsh environment, I'm not sure we can ever fully appreciate.  Their daily view and experiences are so different from what we're used to and the average person really has no idea what these young men and women serving over there have to endure.  I just keep 'em in my prayers and pray that someday soon they'll all be home!  And, I'm really thankful for all of the training that these young men and women go through to help prepare them to be successful and handle that environment.

Comment by mikes mom on June 10, 2011 at 3:29pm

I have to agree with TDM ... P-Bear I write and then think NO and I then delete,,, Words are really hard.. I read what your son said and remember my son and what he told me... Its hard to be strong ... Walmart Meltdowns... WOW!  Bless your san and all our sons and daughters.. I am trying to prepare myself for my daughter going ... Its not easy and I don't think you can ever prepare... I go to all these graduations for my children and look at all those precious Soldiers / Sailors and God Bless them...

Not an easy time for any of us is it....

Comment by TexasDocMom on June 10, 2011 at 2:29pm

PBear...now when it comes to those Walmart meltdowns, bless you, YOU are  now the experienced mom whose arms will automatically go out to that person who is scared of the unknown...because now you know.

My son and I were talkng about anger once...and he said "mom, let me tell you..nothing can piss you off more than to have somebody shooting at you. Nothing. It takes you over, makes you react on a level you didn't know you had." I call it focus, he calls it anger...I call it brave, he calls it his job. All I know, P Bear and Susan, too...is that I couldn't be praying any harder for him than I am for your sons. All of you with kids in war zones, you have my heart.

And  yeah, I liked those "morale" calls except generally they followed some sort of hell we didn't know about...just knowing they are safe today helps.

 

Comment by TexasDocMom on June 10, 2011 at 9:23am

MT, thanks for sharing that "after deployment" update information. I know my son says you can't walk 3 feet without a poster, a phone number, etc on base in your face. I know we all think it is there, but good to hear that even those at home, not on base, are still getting checked on and not being ignored. It is a matter of each individual reaching out, and sometimes the combined effect of PTS and TBI can stop that from happening. That's why each of us have to do our research, find those links and web sites online, read, read, read. There are hotlines you can call, and honestly, if any of you are up all night walking the floors or in a state of pain you cannot ignore, call them. Tell them you need to talk to someone, get a suggestion from them about who to call, what to do to help YOU get past this deployment.  And please, do not be shy about coming here to tell us all about any information you got. If you're self conscious, send me a personal message, I'll share the information for you without using your name. This is what this group is for, sharing hard stories, ways to cope, and things to make us finally smile and laugh (Like meltdowns in the Walmart and kids coming HOME!).

Emile, thank you for your research! I have read some about CISD, like all psychotherapy it has it's boosters and those that not that fond of it. Mainly, from what I read, is that it needs to be in a controlled setting, and that there is little evidence that it can "stop PTSD" .

I do think the military is focusing on ways to work with these vets and help them find their way. When my son met his injured Marine buddy out on his leave after injury in Afghan here at the house for those few days, it was during the week. I made some comment about him not working that week and he said "it's kinda work, the chief knows."  Another time my son said " he just needs to talk to a safe ear."....So on a one on one situation, a chief made the call for a recovering Marine to talk with a Doc who he trusted and spend a few days at Barton Springs pool, eating home cooked meals and bar b que, and talking. A form of CISD, one on one....the military on all levels is recognizing they can help these kids come back to the real world on a lot of levels.

I'm reading Until Tuesday by Luis Carols Montalvan ...about an incredible service dog and the vet who needs him. My friend (met here on N4M) who sent it to me said I'd read it in one setting...and I was, but when I get to those parts about why that vet has PTS, and his experiences, I have to put it down and literally walk away from it. Just for a while. I would suggest for you to read it, but possibly not if your child is deployed right now. My point is ....these dogs help and save the lives of their vets. Your dog at home can be crtical to your child's reentry into the real world, they have listened to all those high school secrets they will listen to more and their love is uncondtional. Like I was told, "they might say they miss their moms, their girl friends, their wives...we miss our dogs". I know mine kept me sane when my son was in a war zone, kept me moving, knew when I was about to lose it.....

PBear...thinking of you today so much...I know those older guys with your son have reached out, and have his back in so many ways. If he calls again, please share with him that there a many moms of Docs in his corner, and that we have your back....

Comment by Much Trouble on June 10, 2011 at 8:21am

Just a quick note...My son came back from Afghanistan in the late Fall.  He is in the reserves, so after debriefing, he is back home again, living a "normal" life.  Well...He is complaining now, because the Navy just had him fill out a bunch of paperwork and also conducted a phone interview.  They are making sure he is really okay.  I know guys can fall through the cracks, but the Navy is doing everything possible to prevent it.  (That doesn't solve this problem, but it made me feel good that the Navy cares enough to do this, and I thought I would pass it on.)

Comment by mikes mom on June 10, 2011 at 2:14am

P-bear - OMGosh I know your feelings so well.. I don't know what to say to you that all these other wonderful moms haven't already said... We just listen to their pain.. We feel their pain - We hurt for them.. I have always said my sons eyes will never be the same .. What he saw, what he went through... I am so proud of him and I'm starting to prepare myself for my daughter and it does hurt.. I respect the jobs they have chosen and I stand beside them...

Ruthella said it beautifully : )

Comment by Emilie on June 10, 2011 at 1:32am

Dear moms specially P-bears mom and Susan and Chief - sending you tons of "prayers".

Wonder if this would help anyone info from my work:

CISD is Critical incident stress debriefing -

PTSD is Post tramadic stress disorder - (not a perfect speller)

When a critical incident occurs if it is debriefed (specially within 24/48 hours) the effects of it are much less. If so many critical incidents happen and none are debriefed PTSD can set in -

So what I am saying is you are not only moms you are super counselors!! If your sons are telling you about their experiences good or bad they are debriefing and this will help them.

We are all witnesses to eachothers lives, intimate witnesses to those who give us special access - you moms are saving your sons listening to them through words or in writting.

 

Many times I just have to guess through my sons voice what he is doing how he is - he keeps much inside. From my perspective it is a good thing your sons are sharing with you. It will keep them healthy and you will recognize them when they come home.

If you google CISD you can learn more. The guys can talk to eachother but they have all been under the same stress - they need to talk to someone who is outside the event.

Well I think you are all amazing.

 

Comment by TexasDocMom on June 9, 2011 at 9:55pm

PBear....first of all, please (all of you!) check out the links posted above, especially the Defense Center one, and all those about after deployment and PTS...and secondary PTS. Please. Those are the pros in sharing with you what to say, how to help your kids as they go through this time in a war zone, and do the things that as moms, we never, ever taught them. We didn't raise them to kill, or to fight, or to try to save the life of a comrade who has fallen. We don't know all the rules and all the ways, but there are some really smart people, and those who have experienced those same things that your sons are going through and they are reaching out to us. To our kids and to the loved ones of those who serve. Please. Don't avoid it. Don't think it won't happen to your son or daughter. We support each other here by being honest and realistic and the reality is that our kids are serving or have served in terrible war zones. It kills our souls to send them, to hear them and the fear of what is coming home to us can be over whelming. That is secondary PTS. Please reach out to those that know how to help us. Please. 

I know I've shared this before, but these words to me offer more comfort to our young corpsmen than any I can say. I shared this with a young corpsman that trained with my son. He used to write me snail mail from Iraq. Some he'd say to share with his mom, some he'd write on top, "don't show this one to mom". But he had to write it out. I laminated this from the Viet Nam wall and sent it to him. He still has it.

 "If you are able, save for them a place inside of you and save one backward glance when you are leaving for the places they can no longer go.

     Be not ashamed to say you loved them, though you may or may not have always. Take what they have taught you with their dying and keep it with your own.

     And in that time when men decide and feel safe to call the war insane, take one moment to embrace those gentle heroes you left behind.

Major Michael Davis O'Donnell
1 January 1970
Dak To, Vietnam
Listed as KIA February 7, 1978

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