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Comment by AJ on December 8, 2010 at 12:26pm

Good morning girls!

And good to see you Hurley. I appreciate your kind words of understanding and telling me more about your own experience with something similar. One of the hard things about it all is that so much of it is non-visible injury. I had one doctor tell me that if one experiencing this wore a bandage of some kind on the outside .... that the patience and compassion would be so different. I've learned how to be more gentle with myself.

Girls! I forgot to tell you about something totally cool! The night before Aaron left for his underway pre-deployment exercise, he called me. He was so excited. I am not sure how this happened, but he had the incredible experience of meeting with the Command Master Chief for San Diego, who spent time with him one-on-one ... and asked him about what he was hoping to do (remember he is an undesignated DC-FN (damage control fireman) ..... and Aaron explained that he wanted to work and train with gunnersmate ..... the CMC told him that his ship actually needed gunnersmates at this time ...... and get this ..... that he would personally call the head of gunnersmates and put in a word for him. He was so stoked. I'm really happy for him as this is what he wants .... although the Mom in me would have opted for Mass Communication Specialist or something taking pictures and writing stories! Too many years of playing video games for him, I'm sure. The gunnersmates have already given him some study material to begin to learn. I thought I would share this since there are loads of real and very challenging situations about how the Navy didn't do this or that, and broke promises (and Aaron's recruiter's certainly did mislead him) .... but good things can happen too. One of the things that I think about is a basic principle that I try to use in my life ...... 'where you look is where you go' ........ I can't wait to hear from Aaron when he returns after this short exercise (just 11 days).

Iris gets unplugged today. Yay! We are sending you loads of support and love.

Thanks Nicole for your wonderful thoughts.

And Mary, I wonder what adventures your pool will have today? And good for you for getting that painting done. Dereck is going to love all the work you are doing to prepare for his homecoming. He is a lucky guy to have such a great mom. I had to smile at your painting every other step so you could get out of the basement.

Mrs. B. - I hope you are hanging in there. This is TJ's first Christmas! You will never forget this Christmas. Take loads and loads of pictures and video of him. Hey! Can you post an updated picture of the little guy for us? Would love to see how he is growing. Does he take after you or your husband? What does he love?

Hugs to all of you this morning ......

Comment by hurleyl8dyShip6Div943PIR9/10/10 on December 7, 2010 at 10:18pm

Oh my, I've missed a bunch. and Mary, I feel so bad about the ticket screw up, didn't know about that sista. You need to write United. Just plain wrong. If you need anything next time call me and we can talk... you have my number. I feel so bad for your loss this time of year. It hurts, I know. You are still one of the funniest people I know even with all the sadness you can make someone smile. Ok, did that make sense? Sorry, I really am trying to say thank you because so many times I needed to laugh and you did it!

Oh AJ, I really feel so bad for your whole situation. I am happy you told us all your story. It sucks when no one can understand how you feel or what you are trying to say and they expect you to know but you don't feel good cause your body hurts and your brain doesn't act quick enough. I don't think your BF is very symethetic towards you, sorry. I remember when I had my accident, I spoke backwards for the longest time. Seemed normal to me. And now I still have a heck of a time getting my words out since my mini stroke (right before Matt left for BC). My husbands and kids a great but they really don't understand and laugh and say "come on, get it out already" it just makes it so much more worse, then they laugh at me like I am stupid. I am not stupid, sometimes it takes me longer. Even trying to find my word on here is sometimes very hard but this has been a godsend for me. But I don't want this to be about me, I only want to say I understand all the tests and pain and emotional stuff to an extent. I want to give you a BIG {{{HUG}}} If you need a friend here in Florida I am here for you.

Ok, Iris, first what is a weiner thingy??? Haha sorry, can't remember what you posted about the tree thing you make at Christmas? If I go back to look I will lose this I wrote and I just can't write it all again. I really do feel bad H isn't coming home right at Christmas. You are such a positive and up lifting person. I can always rely on you for some positive thoughts and the dog poo thing is just too funny! You're still my hero!

Do, I know what you mean when your Mom leaves. Mine is 88 also and I don't get to see her much but when I do I feel the same way. I talk to her everyday on the phone though and that really helps.

oh Mrs.B, I feel so bad for you. Alot you had to adjust too in such a short time. You Husband going in the Navy and then moving yourself to a strange place and then having a baby... wow! that's alot to adjust too. I know it's easy for one to say but try to take one day at a time and enjoy your little bundle of joy. And you will love San Diego. California is really nice. You have the best of all worlds.

Nichole, I am happy you are working it out with your BF. Good luck with it all.

Comment by nicole~a sailors girl(: on December 7, 2010 at 6:37pm

Oh my...AJ! Stay strong! You're a WONDERFUL, STRONG WILLED, COURAGEOUS lady! You've got a heart of gold, truely, every single one of you do.

Comment by Mrs.B_Div 302_Ship9 on December 7, 2010 at 4:17pm

Posting in honor of Pearl Harbor Day... may God bless all our troops this year and every year... Hooyah

Comment by iris - Wahiawa, Hawaii on December 7, 2010 at 2:47pm

HOO YAH!!!!!

AJ - Muah! Sending you non-lesbian kisses of how much I appreciate you as a friend. Yeah, I feel like poop warmed over, but this group is so wonderful in it's support that I can't help but checking in even when I feel like hot steaming dog doo. Mmmm..... I'm referencing to that because I stepped in it before treatment and smelt it, and since my husband stepped in it too, he got all the blame. Poor guy. Lol... Nasty! Not that this is a good segway, but you know you are always welcome at my home. Keep me posted to if you make a trip out here and I can try to meet you in Portland for a hugs and some great conversation. =)))

Mary - Soooo... sorry that this has been a month full of sadness for you. I believe you have the right idea in changing that for the sake of your son. There is a time to grieve and a time to think of all the joy those people brought into you life and how you honor them with a smile at the thought of those good times. Hang in there! You also mentioned friends stabbing you in the back. Those aren't friends, just bitter, selfish, unhappy people that don't deserve your friendship. You have us baby!!! Always! You should send me your email just in case we get separated on N4M. You too AJ and anyone else who would like to keep in touch. Mine is iristemple35@yahoo.com. And I agree with AJ, your family and pets seem to gravitate to the pool. Lol.... Ice skating dogs sounds like a good you tube video. =)))

Well, nothing to add to my other post, so I'll keep this short (for me). Tomorrow I get unplugged. Yay..... Keep smiling my friends and Ho Ho Ho to you all.

I'm going to stick on my Bing Crosby and Burl Ives Christmas music and smile.

HUGS!!!!!!!

Comment by AJ on December 7, 2010 at 11:57am

I am saddened this morning by the news of Elizabeth Edwards arriving at her final days .... no matter your political views, Elizabeth has been such a way shower and someone whom I have admired. Her strength truly did define her .... her courage ..... in the midst of such adversity, it never seemed to wane. Her own words from I think her book ...... [sic] they will be able to say that she stood in the storm .... and when the wind did not blow her away .... and it surely has not .... she adjusted her sails.

So Mary and Iris ..... we are all adjusting our sails. Mary .... thank you for sharing some of your story last night. It is an honor really to continue to be here for each other as the threads of our connectedness lengthen and widen. I would dare to say that many of these groups fade into nothingness (although I have not looked to see) ..... and it is indicative of the tenderness and kindheartedness of our group. I am so sorry to hear about your Christmas losses in years past. How long ago did you lose your mom, dad, and stepmom? It is understandable that you fear each year the loss of someone else so important to you. It is hard for me to imagine the 'bitchyness' you reference .... but I am glad to hear that you have made a personal commitment to focus on not letting depression take you hostage ... and to vow to make this year be all about happiness and being together in laughter and love. How proud Dereck will be of you and what strength that will give him when he returns to the Navy after the holiday. That will be such a Christmas present! I'm sorry too about the friends who have stabbed you in the back ... some friends (loosely used word here) truly do not deserve the friendship they so took for granted and abused. So, add me to your list of friends. I grew up in Northeast Missouri, so I have a good sense of Iowa. In fact, one of the jokes that went around when I was a kid was: Do you know why Missouri doesn't fall into Arkansas .......... because Iowa sucks! (I don't really think that btw). Funny how your family and the family dogs all seem to navigate toward the frozen pool. I think I would sit inside with my warm hot cocoa by the fire. So, stand tall, girlfriend, you are amazing!

And Iris - I thought of you yesterday as you were having another round in the final countdown. I was moved that you came on at all last night and posted, given that I do not know how quickly you start to feel bad. Thank you for your kind words and the hugely gracious invitation to come share Christmas with you. Yes, it is Oregon where my Portland friends are .... so it is very likely that I will make my way their sometime .... and it would be so cool to hook up with you for a visit!

Yes, it was not cool or even appropriate the way that my boyfriend of 10 years reacted to the accident. It hurt then and it still does and certainly is a part of all that is being looked at during this time. He didn't want to see the car at all and I took care of having it towed, the insurance company, the repairs, etc., until I could deliver it back to him in good form. But, I shall not go into all the heartbreak in the relationship at this time. I deeply appreciate your care and the mamma bear in your coming to my defense.

Okay, so let's lock our arms together, stand in the face of any wind or adversity, and give a big Hoo Yah! for each other in this day ...... and let's do our best to not find ourselves not doing a spread eagle on the frozen ice! .... pictures would have to be posted!

Comment by iris - Wahiawa, Hawaii on December 6, 2010 at 10:34pm

AJ - Oh man I am so sorry. I get the support thing. Seems like when you are struggling, it's nice to have a group of supportive, wonderful ladies to help you smile. And that group is right here!!! You know you are more than welcome to come to Oregon and stay with me for a little Christmas vacation. We can be the cripple and the chemo patients together and laugh at our problems. You mentioned a friend in Portland, was that Maine or OR? I'm a little disturbed at your boyfriends reaction. It was not your fault, so why would he be irritated with you? Just the mamma bear in me coming to the defense. Set me straight if things are alright. I don't have the full story. Don't worry, I get the not wanting pity, you don't have my pity my friend, just my support, encouragement, my ear for listening and my heart for compassion. I hope you are getting all the medical attention to help relieve your pain. Hang in there and keep us posted. Whine if you need to, we are here. =)

Comment by AJ on December 6, 2010 at 9:26pm

Oh, and thank you .... from the middle of the middle of the middle of my heart.

Comment by AJ on December 6, 2010 at 9:22pm

Okay ladies - sorry for this novella - kind of hard to keep it really short and I have tried to do so! My basic nature is to view my glass as half full, not half empty. I love to be optimistic, hopeful, loving, believing, etc. I try not to lament about circumstances and mostly keep to myself if I'm feeling afraid, sad, or in pain. You know that song 'Make Me A Channel of Your Peace'? That is how I've wanted to live my life since I was a little girl. I think it might have been easier to have wanted to live my life like "Born to Be Wild' .... 'I'm Too Sexy for my ....', but I am who I am.

So, here's the scoop. I was in a bad car accident ... rear-ended while sitting at a stoplight from a young man coming out of the canyon going about 55 mph and didn't notice traffic was stopped, and then pushed into another car, resulting in a double impact. Since the accident, I've been dealing with memory loss, loss of balance (not falling down stuff, just veering to the right when I walk or climb stairs, etc), headaches, dizziness and nausea, wrist, elbow and shoulder pain from the impact with my hand on the steering wheel, neck and mid-back pain, etc. I have had to severely reduce my clients and income is now all but nonexistent. I was driving my boyfriend's/partner's (whatever you call it these days) car at the time of the accident and he was quite irritated with me (and he was not with me when the accident happened). After the first six months, I had to give up my home (we did not live together) and have been living in his condo by myself as he has been down in Costa Rica almost all of this time.

I have had chiropractic treatment, physical therapy, an MRI, an EMG, this neurological brain test last week and began vestibular therapy today. Post-concussive head and inner ear issues, post-traumatic neuropathy, bulging discs, torn ligaments ..... and I do not yet know what these latest brain tests will reveal. It has caused a huge strain on the relationship. My best friends live in Seattle, Portland, Philadelphia, Ireland and England .... no one lives here anymore. All of my personal belongings are in storage, including all of my family's Christmas stuff. So this Christmas, I don't have my stuff or my son. This Christmas is going to be very different indeed ........... but we will all keep breathing and will keep putting one foot in front of the other and will get to the other side of whatever we are each trying to cross right now. That I do believe. The question for me every day is ..... will I do so smiling and being grateful and filled with grace? ...... my choice is to do my best to do just that.

My older son is the only other family that I have here in Colorado .... and he lives an hour away. We see each other but he is in no position to look out after mom. As lame as it sounds, you guys have become my daily source of connection. I know this must come across as pitiful, but I do not seek your pity.

That is all the dark side. The brighter side is that I am re-prioritizing my life and what and who is important to me. I have learned that I can live my life so much more simply than I ever thought I could. You have been God sends ..... and I have been filled with gratitude for your presence and your humor, whimseys, and sharings. Sometimes we have no idea how much we are impacting another person's life ....... and I am here to share with you now, most humbly, that you guys have impacted me in some really important ways. I've expressed my gratitude, but never really shared with you why you meant so much to me beyond our shared Navy experience. If I could, I would hug each one of you for just being here and continuing to offer yourselves and your stories and your lives. For the rest of my life, I will never forget this group of lovely women .... for you have each become like angels to me. We may or may not still be writing here in the months and years to come .... but for this moment in time .... I'm so very glad you are!

Comment by d o on December 6, 2010 at 7:18pm

oh btw here's a web site that sends cards to service men to say thank you. It's fun check it out www.LetsSayThanks.com it's by xerox

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