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Comment by nicole~a sailors girl(: on August 25, 2011 at 2:55pm

No...you're giving really good advice, but the only thing I see is that his absolutely sucks..and that we may not be back together..and that's the worst, thinking the worst, but in this situation, it's hard to not...it's like i don't know what to do with myself, he was my stronghold when i needed him, and he never let me down..he supported and loved me..and now..i dont know what to do..i feel pretty lost..i know i havent lost him completely, but it feels like it right now, because it happened so quickly..

Comment by AJ on August 25, 2011 at 2:52pm

Okay, one last thing ...... it is my sense that you are feeling like you KNOW the outcome of this break (that it is break up)..... and you don't, he doesn't ........ (it just might be a break through for him) .....  and he isn't ready to fix things or figure out answers because he has just asked for the space and time to do that ............ I understand that this is painful and scary for you .... I really do ................. human beings are funny creatures .... we want what we want when we want it ........... you can do this Nicole ..... you really can ..... give him what he is asking for, for at least a little while.  I'll shut up .... this is my best advice .... perhaps someone else sees it differently. 

 

Comment by nicole~a sailors girl(: on August 25, 2011 at 2:44pm

that's the tough thing though.. i'm his best friend, and he is mine. he said right now we're "not boyfriend and girlfriend, but we arent ex's, we're more than that"..so I don't know what's acceptable, and what isn't..that's why I want to talk to him tonight..to maybe talk it out calmly..and fix things unirrationally, and if nothing else...to find out what the happy medium is..and to findout some answers to what is acceptable..

Comment by AJ on August 25, 2011 at 2:40pm

One more thing .... pressing him to work it out right now, to skype with you tonight, to call you right away ...... is 'your timing' .... that's what I'm talking about ..... freely, open-heartedly give him the space ...... he'll come around ........ if you pressure him when he is already overloaded and stressed .... well sometimes that makes things worse.  Believe in what you know and try not to let your emotions run away with you ....... this is where you get to shine with girlfriend strength, honor, and commitment ...... you can do that for a few days .... I know you can.

 

Comment by AJ on August 25, 2011 at 2:34pm

I'm not sure that there is anything to 'get over' just yet .... I think this is something to 'get through' ....... and in relationships, one person's needs don't always match the other person's needs ..... and the best way to get through a time like this is to respect what the needs are that the other person has (within reason of course).  If he feels that he/you/the relationship will benefit from some space .... you can offer it.  My guess is that he is feeling bad too ..... he doesn't want to hurt you .... and he will find his true direction .... if he wants to talk at times on the phone, you can do that ...... you can be his friendly rock until this passes .... and that will make you feel good to know that you didn't freak out, over-react, gave him his space, and believed in what you know is good about your relationship.  Don't let that heart be heartbroken just yet ..... find your courageous place inside and breathe.

Comment by nicole~a sailors girl(: on August 25, 2011 at 2:32pm

Thank you AJ...I know he needs space..but the fact that it happened so suddenly, and he told me that us possibly getting accustom to being not together is a risk he's willing to take..i'm trying so hard to be as strong as i can, but at 6 months together, and going through boot camp and a month of his a school together, and being together through what we have, this is alot to grasp at a very quick pace...I don't know exactly how he wants me to handle it, last night was a little fuzzy between crying so hard my head spins and wanting to pass out from the pain.. i have tickets and everything booked for november...and now i dont know if he even wants that anymore..i hope to god that it wont take until november to get us sorted out...because to be honest..i couldnt handle that..i couldnt. im a strong girl. but i just couldnt handle that, having him, but not having him thing. i sent him a text today, asking that he call me, or skype me tonight so that we can maybe work it out, and maybe fix things..but weather he will or not is up to him...i need a miracle right now..

Comment by nicole~a sailors girl(: on August 25, 2011 at 2:25pm

It just sucks, we're like..."in limbo" of it all..not broken up..but not together..he wants space, but still wants to talk sometimes, says we "need" this...but it seems only he "needs" it..i'm hurting so bad right now..i dont know what to do, i've never been in this with anyone before...ever..it's so hard, and my family doesn't understand, my grandma doesnt at all get that my heart is absolutely breaking right now, and she thinks its easy to get over, just like that..but it's not..at all..

Comment by AJ on August 25, 2011 at 2:25pm

Whoa Nicole ...... I'm been intending to get on here and add a couple of comments about the family situation that you have been dealing with.  Now, what I was going to say can wait.  When someone is under the kind of pressure that your fine young man is .... he is bound to feel overwhelmed, overloaded, and overstressed.  I know you want to talk to him as much as you can and as often as you can ...... and what you are hearing is most likely a cry out for some space (from everything) ..... the thing is to not take it wholly personal ........... my bet is also that he has received from grief from his family and he needs to sort this whole thing out inside his heart and mind ..... and he just can't take it all on at once.  I know you are a smart girl.  As hard as it may be, do your best to offer him the time to breathe, to sort out what his thoughts and feelings are, amidst the pressures of his A school and the pressures of his family.  The key for you will be to not be an additional pressure for things to be a certain way right now.  You will do yourself a big favor if you can have patience, understanding, and loving, without being connected several times a day.  You are a sweetheart and I'm sure he is too.  There have been lots of changes in a few short months time .... and you guys have moved pretty quickly.  Be supportive, be someone he can count on right now to be strong and 'just quietly there', loving him until he feels stronger and more confident in his choices.  As best you can, don't over-react and see where this break of time takes you.  Sending you both a big hug right now.

Comment by Donna-Amanda's mom on August 25, 2011 at 2:19pm

Sorry Nicole- Just hang in there. Maybe some of the stress just needs to be relieved between school and family before he feels he can move on with this relationship. It sounds like he is really caught in between things right now and that is not good. Just ride the waves for now. If it is right, it will work out.

Comment by nicole~a sailors girl(: on August 25, 2011 at 1:49pm

Well....gaige said he is stressed..and needs to go on "break",.. we arent broken up, but we arent together he said..i'm completely heart broken..

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