Comment

Comment by diannep on June 16, 2011 at 8:22am

Lady:  I think it is a good idea for YOU to try and reach the Chaplain.  I still would think it would be better if this news can be kept from him until after BattleStations (when he will then be a sailor) especially since she is not in a life-threatening situation, it seems....thank God.  But certainly in a critical yet stable state.  If it were life-threatening where he may be allowed to talk to her, I would say "tell him."  But if not, then you may want to think about waiting--it would take his focus away from bootcamp, I would think, since he is so close to her.  Only you can decide...but I think if you can speak to the Chaplain about it, he can give you some great advice. 

So I would call the Public Affairs Office and see how you can be put in touch with him.  It would be a start.  847-688-2405

Praying for wisdom for you in what to do in this horrible situation.  And praying for your niece...that she will far exceed whatever the drs expect from her....and make a full recovery!

Comment by Lala Ribbon Queen PIR Ribbons on June 16, 2011 at 7:49am

Lady- I believe with all my heart you are doing the right thing by waiting until after bootcamp. And hopefully by the time you are there at PIR she will be doing well enough to speak to her on the phone and that will help to ease his mind. I wish I could say that they will let him have more time after PIR but I don't think they will. They usually only give them that kind of time when there has been a death of an immediate family member. I know in his eyes she is probably immediate I am sure. When my sailor was there her aunt that lived next door to us for my daughters whole life passed away. They were pretty close. I did not tell her while she was at boot camp. I didn't any realy time alone with her on Friday after PIR to tell her and had planned on telling her at the airport the next morning because we thought we would have over 5 hours with her before her flight. We didn't know at the time that a chartered flight meant she would not even get to come into the airport. So I ended up having to tell her on the phone when she got to A-school. I wish I could have had more time with her and I really wish that all the families could have the whole weekend with their Sailor. I will keep you all in my prayers and prayer for a complete recovery for your niece. I will add this. Once I told my Sailor/daughter about her Aunt she was very sad but she was also glad I waited to tell her and thanked me for that.

Comment by FireTeamLeaderWife aka FTLW on June 16, 2011 at 4:25am

LadyLancelot- Wow...toughie...first time I have encountered this ( I am a fairly new veteran though-2 weeks), I can't even imagine your pain both for your niece and your son. Praise the Lord she will live and many many more prayers for her recovery.

I think you are doing the right thing too, their lives are so "restricted" in Boot that he would have to try to "push it aside" and that would be very difficult...the dilema is "A" school...because you will not be able to deter it anymore. I am going to pray for understanding for your SR. It will be painful and a shock but I will pray that he will see what loving parents he has that want to "protect" him so that he can accomplish what he has been working for.

It reminds me of the Olympic Ice Skater ( the kind where you make laps-speed skate?)that was given devastating news. I can't remember all the details but I want to say his sister passed away. He was a hopeful for a medal and he started but could not continue on. My husband always felt that he should have been told after his skate. It's seems harsh but you can't bring her back...you already have one loss and then all his hard work was gone. I do not mean to be judgemental to the family as the whole situation was very painful and it is "easy" for an outsider to "monday morning quarterback it", but that is why we have good friends or others who understand our situation to come along side us and help us make decisions when we are struggling. They are not "in it" and can sometimes think more clearly.

Your neice has been very injured but she has survived. You are going to be there for her while she heals and you are doing what you need to for the best interest of your son. He will see that through his pain at some point...hopefully right away.

You are in the right place to try to get information on how to best handle this. I am sorry I cannot be of more help in the details of handling "A" school but am hoping that our other veterans can be.

I am going to consult my DH on this one.

(((VBH)))

Comment by Sandy's_sailor son on June 16, 2011 at 3:53am

LadyLancelot, I cried as I read your message. This is so hard. There is a lot for you to consider.

I would not tell your son while he is in boot. There is nothing your son can do while he is there and it would only really hurt him. He might not be able to get through boot camp if he knows. When you see your son at PIR you can tell him then. I would explain to him that if you would have told him while in boot camp, there is nothing he could have done to help his cousin.

I really understand what you are going through.  Just before my son's final (A)school exams my Mom had a serious stroke. My son is very close to my Parents and I knew that if I told him he would be so upset and fail finals. I was very scared that he would be mad at us for not telling him. I explained that there was nothing he could do from where he was. I told him that his Grandma was worried about him and did not want to upset him and make him fail his final exams. He understood.

Comment by FireTeamLeaderWife aka FTLW on June 16, 2011 at 3:42am

keger-I will pray for your SR. Is it his first time away from home? First time doing something "like" (not much REALLY compares with the military...but I think you know what I mean) this?

I am sorry he is feeling alienated...ditto on the encouraging him...I also told my SR to look for someone else that he thought was struggling and offer to help them...I also pray for an SR to do that for yours

 

Comment by Sandy's_sailor son on June 16, 2011 at 3:30am

firetealeaderwife, Thank you so much for letting me know.  That is really sad because the owners were very nice.

Comment by FireTeamLeaderWife aka FTLW on June 16, 2011 at 3:23am

Sandy's sailor son- I am afraid that the Lock & Go is no longer in service.

When you click the link it has a message stating so. Sorry.

Comment by Sandy's_sailor son on June 16, 2011 at 2:46am

Ladies I know this is a bit early but here is a link to some information about the Lock & Go storage facility.  You can bring your new Sailors their Cell Phones and laptops and store them there for them for when they move to the (A)school side of base.

http://www.navyformoms.com/group/askthesdc/forum/topics/sailor-not-...

Comment by LadyLancelot on June 16, 2011 at 1:21am

I haven't been around here much due to a family crisis.  I hope someone can give me some advice as to how to handle this.  My niece, who has been living with us the past year and whom my son loves like a sister,  fell from a mountain while rock climbing and is in critical but stable condition.  However, she has broken just about every bone in her lower body and her future (walking again) is very uncertain. We struggled for days over whether to tell my son, but chose not to because we felt he would just suffer alone in boot camp, not able to write or call to find out how she is.  So, we have been of mixed feelings about PIR, knowing that while it should be a time of celebration, we will have to tell him bad news.  Now, in his recent letter, he says he will probably be grad and go.  I'm heartbroken, confused, and very conflicted.  Will he ever forgive us for not telling him right away, or will he understand?  And how will he be able to move on and do his job when he is so heartbroken?  I was hoping we'd have more time with him before he left for Pensacola.  I thought maybe there might be a Navy Chaplain to speak to or does anyone know how I might handle this so that my son isn't told such bad news and then shipped out immediately after?  Sorry to be such a downer, but this is the only place I could think of to come for advice on this matter.  Everyone seems to agree it's best not to tell him now, since she will live, but I don't know how best to handle this.  Only other Navy Moms could possibly relate and understand.

Comment by keger2001 on June 15, 2011 at 9:43pm

Thank you ladies for helping me out, my SR is not an emotional guy so to hear him this way has kinda freaked me out..LOL  I on the other hand is the total opposite, non of you all may want to be near me during PIR you might get drowned!  :)

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