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Comment by Curleytop on September 5, 2013 at 11:41am

Hello everyone,

Thanks for the encouragement.  I do keep coming here because this is the 'only' place where other moms understand.  A mother's heart, how can you describe that to someone.  Let alone a mother's deployment heart.  I usually would not be posting during the weekday but awoke with a migraine this morning.  I am getting ready to go to work this afternoon.  Keeping busy is the best.  When it is quiet, with no one around and nothing planned, I tended to panic.  I am thankful for my job, coworkers, friends and this board.  I have always been a praying person but sometimes I get stuck on things.  I am glad I am still a work in progress.  I have a lot to learn.

Comment by Tamme on September 5, 2013 at 11:12am

The boxes really do help.  I get stickers and decorate the inside flaps of the box so when they open them, they get an extra surprise.  Also, taping pictures of family members, etc. are great as well. 

Comment by Curleytop on September 4, 2013 at 11:44pm

Hello ladies,

I came home after work and wrote to you.  So I was checking back in.  Guess I forgot to post it.  That is how I have been today.  Out of sorts.  Not as bad a yesterday.  I did discover when I was going to bed last night that I had not taken my daily medication.  Yesterday was certainly not the day for me to go without it.  I take blood pressure, acid reflux, and a "coping" pill.  Some of them twice a day.  Saying good bye was bad enough but there I was without my extra help.

I texted my corpsman when I realized what I had done.  He mentioned it was a "hard day" for me.  My sweet doc told me not to forget my meds again.  Guess mom made an impression.

  I come here and write to all of you because it makes me feel less alone.  Right now my melt downs happen when things get quiet.  My mind starts to race away with me.  I must stay in the present.  Take the next breath, change the next load of laundry.   A friend of mine told me something that I am trying to do.  "Look up and move forward."

Looking up is not hard for me.  It is the moving forward.  My son went back to work today so that is why mom went back to work.

Signing off again for today.  Talk to you tomorrow.

Comment by Tamme on September 4, 2013 at 3:20pm

Curleytop, believe me, reading about your day is what we've all been through.  It sounds like you did a very good job.  The day our son left, I tried to be so brave.  He kept sitting by me though and letting me hug on him and it was so hard.  When we all hugged good-bye, I lost it.  I just couldn't help it.  He got a speeding ticket on the way and I felt so bad because I know he was distracted.  Good news is though - your son hopefully will get a R&R trip home around the half way mark or so. Not sure if all Marine teams do that but fortunately ours did.  However, it was goodbye again back to another six months of worry.  It was harder on him than us.  We are down to our 3 1/2 month count down.  Hang in there and remember we are all with you.  God Bless

Comment by Much Trouble on September 4, 2013 at 12:16am

Hi Curleytop!  You did just fine...and it DOES get better.  At least for a while until something pushes your buttons.  Cry when you need to...I would try not to cry...and kept getting more and more squirrelly.  Tears can be healing, and they are nothing to be ashamed of.  The important thing is to be upbeat when you are talking to him.  Your post was not a ramble...it was a very honest picture of life as a "Mom", and I hope you post often.  It will help you and it will also help others.

Comment by Curleytop on September 3, 2013 at 10:36pm

Hello Susan, Tamme, TDM, Jersey Susan, Much Trouble, KathyPCM, and everyone else.

I thought I had prepared myself for today.  What a laugh. I fixed my corpsman his favorite breakfast.  Everything was great.  Then I walk in the bathroom and his toothbrush is gone.  From then on it was off and on tears all day.

I tried so hard for him not to know.  He did not know until we were half way to the airport and turned around in the car.  I got caught.  He asked why I was crying and I said I wasn't, it was just allergies.  It seemed to lighten things up a bit.

The airport was nice enough to us passes so we were able to stay with him until he boarded his plane.  He was very appreciative of that.  It helped all of us to be together a bit longer and we were able to have lunch with him.  His older brother arranged to go with us so our entire immediate family was there.

I managed to tell him how much I loved him and smiled as he left (no tears).  I took my husband's arm, turned, took two steps and the tears started again.

The waves of emotions that overcome you indescribable.  I prayed on the way to airport and away from the airport, recited verses from memory, and tried to sing songs in head to keep myself somewhat sane.  I still had a husband and son with me.

My insides felt like they were turning inside out on me, like right now as I write to you.  Every nerve seems to be fire.  At times it is seems like it is a struggle to take the next breath.  Then, I am calm for a time, until another tidal wave hits.

Ladies, please tell this gets easier.  I don't know how you do this.  This military mom stuff is tough work.

My husband was great today.  He held everything together until we were by ourselves this evening.

According to my son, we will see one another in a year.

I know this post my seem like I have rambled on and on, but that is how I feel.  As if I am in a fog, just wandering around not knowing what to do or say.  I was upset at the airport because all the cashiers kept asking me if I was having a nice day.  I wanted to say something but could not.  No words would come but I felt like punching something.

Day 1 over and thankful.  Looking forward to my Hello.  I do not like good-byes.

 

Comment by Tamme on September 3, 2013 at 12:01pm

Curelytop, we are here for you and thinking about you. My Corpsman is still over there and I totally know how you feel.  We are down to the little over three months countdown. 

Comment by JerseySusan on September 3, 2013 at 11:41am

Curleytop, Our prayers are with your son & your family.

Comment by TexasDocMom on September 3, 2013 at 11:15am

Curleytop, thinking of you today, hang in, hang on and let us know how the day goes...you're not alone and you know what? neither is that son of yours, he's in the best of company. 

Comment by Curleytop on September 3, 2013 at 9:20am

Thanks Kathy for the info.

I will be back this evening.  Taking him to the airport is a all day event from where we live and the tears are already wanting to peak out as I write to you but I am fighting to keep them at bay.

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